The Evil Called Love

  You’ve just had the most amazing first date. It was like something out of a cheesy rom-com where the rain starts falling just as you kiss goodnight. You’re floating on cloud nine, convinced that you’ve finally found “the one.” But what if, instead of finding the love of your life, you’re just feeding a delusion? Let’s be honest: first dates are basically auditions.  We all put our best foot forward, wearing clothes we wouldn’t normally wear and talking about interests we barely care about. We’re not meeting the real person; we’re meeting their representative. And let’s face it, representatives are always on their best behavior. When you feel an intense connection right away, it’s easy to think you’ve met your soulmate. But more often than not, this is just your brain playing tricks on you. It’s called “projection,” and it’s when you project all your hopes and dreams onto someone you’ve just met. They’re not “the one”; they’re a blank canvas you’ve painted with your ideal par...

There you are, sitting across from a stranger who is suddenly not a stranger. Sparks fly, the room fades away, and you find yourself speaking in a movie script. “This is it,” you think. “I’ve found the one!” But before you start planning your couple’s Instagram handle, let’s pause for a reality check. We all love a good story. That love story worth posting online. We all want that. The problem is, we often turn dates into mini-romantic comedies in our heads. After just one date, we convince ourselves that we’ve met our soulmate. Why? Because it feels good. Because it’s exciting. And because no one wants to admit that finding true love might actually take, well, a little more effort than a couple of overpriced cocktails. The truth is, feeling a connection on a first date is more about chemistry than compatibility. Chemistry is fun; it’s fireworks and butterflies. But compatibility is quieter. It’s built on shared values, mutual respect, and those little things that make or break a rel...

It’s astonishing how quickly dreams can crumble. For weeks, I was soaring, entangled in what seemed like the start of something extraordinary. He was attentive, charming, and seemed genuinely captivated by me. Every text, every late-night chat, every tender moment felt like a step toward something meaningful. But now, as reality sets in, I understand how mistaken I was.  I’ve been played. The signs weren’t obvious at first. He had a way of making me feel exceptional, like I was the only one who mattered. I fell for it all—the sweet words, the considerate acts, the way he gazed at me with what seemed like adoration. I wove a fantasy around us, convinced we were building something real, something lasting. The night we finally spent together seemed like the culmination of our connection. It was intimate, filled with whispers and touches that made me believe this was the beginning of something beautiful. But the next morning, everything changed. The warmth in his eyes was replaced by a...

  I still remember the way he looked at me that first night we met. His eyes seemed to speak volumes, telling me that I was special, that I was different. It was the beginning of a whirlwind of attention and affection that lasted for weeks. Every text, every call, every little gesture felt like a promise of something more. He made me believe that we were building something real, something lasting. But now, sitting alone in the silence of my room, I realize that all those promises were nothing but a cruel joke. For weeks, he lavished me with attention. There were late-night conversations filled with laughter and shared dreams, sweet messages that made my heart flutter, and moments where I truly believed he saw me—really saw me—for who I was. He made me feel cherished, wanted, like I was the center of his universe. It was a beautiful illusion, one that I fell for completely. The night we finally spent together felt like the culmination of all those weeks of connection. It was suppose...

  "It's not my fault that I shine brighter than you, but for the sake of our relationship, I will try to shine less." Later, I finally understood that not only did my partner NEVER appreciate my efforts to support him by stroking his ego and sacrificing mine, he also felt more pitiful because my self-sacrifice only made him see what he lacked. BOOMERANG. No one was happy. And, the relationship ended.  True story. Luckily, I learned enough to let go and live my own life. When you diminish your own luster for someone to shine brighter in the context of a love relationship, it means you are downplaying your own strengths, achievements, and qualities to make your partner feel more important or successful. Here’s what is happening: 1.    Self-Sacrifice   : You might be putting your partner’s needs, desires, and ambitions above your own. This can involve making sacrifices that hinder your own growth and happiness to support your partner’s. 2.   Insecurity ...

  I was so lonely that I settled for less. I tricked myself into thinking that even poor treatment is OK as long as I am not alone. Perhaps this is all I deserve now.  Does this sound familiar? This a situation where someone's intense desire for a relationship distorts their perception of reality, much like the psychological manipulation known as gaslighting. This time, the target is one's self.  Here’s a breakdown of what this means: 1.   Self-Deception   : The person’s strong longing for a relationship can lead them to ignore red flags or negative aspects of a partner or the relationship. They might convince themselves that things are better than they actually are. 2.   Rationalizing Poor Treatment  : In their yearning to be in a relationship, they might justify or overlook mistreatment, telling themselves it’s normal or deserved. This can lead to accepting behavior that they wouldn’t tolerate if they weren't so desperate for connection. 3...

  She can't accept their break-up. She said she could not go on without him and begs him to reconsider. He walks away anyway, even if his guilt is great. Now, she blames him for her misery and claims that he broke her, made her into a shell of her usual self. Who lost? Who is at fault? When someone guilts another person into never leaving them because of codependency, it usually involves the following dynamics: 1.    Emotional Manipulation  : The person uses guilt to manipulate their partner's feelings, making them feel responsible for their emotional well-being. Phrases like "You’re the only one who understands me" or "I can't live without you" are common. 2.   Fear and Obligation  : The guilt-tripped partner feels obligated to stay in the relationship out of fear of hurting the other person. They might worry that leaving will cause significant emotional harm to their partner. 3.    Dependence and Control   : In a codependent relation...