The Evil Called Love

  You’ve just had the most amazing first date. It was like something out of a cheesy rom-com where the rain starts falling just as you kiss goodnight. You’re floating on cloud nine, convinced that you’ve finally found “the one.” But what if, instead of finding the love of your life, you’re just feeding a delusion? Let’s be honest: first dates are basically auditions.  We all put our best foot forward, wearing clothes we wouldn’t normally wear and talking about interests we barely care about. We’re not meeting the real person; we’re meeting their representative. And let’s face it, representatives are always on their best behavior. When you feel an intense connection right away, it’s easy to think you’ve met your soulmate. But more often than not, this is just your brain playing tricks on you. It’s called “projection,” and it’s when you project all your hopes and dreams onto someone you’ve just met. They’re not “the one”; they’re a blank canvas you’ve painted with your ideal par...

There you are, sitting across from a stranger who is suddenly not a stranger. Sparks fly, the room fades away, and you find yourself speaking in a movie script. “This is it,” you think. “I’ve found the one!” But before you start planning your couple’s Instagram handle, let’s pause for a reality check. We all love a good story. That love story worth posting online. We all want that. The problem is, we often turn dates into mini-romantic comedies in our heads. After just one date, we convince ourselves that we’ve met our soulmate. Why? Because it feels good. Because it’s exciting. And because no one wants to admit that finding true love might actually take, well, a little more effort than a couple of overpriced cocktails. The truth is, feeling a connection on a first date is more about chemistry than compatibility. Chemistry is fun; it’s fireworks and butterflies. But compatibility is quieter. It’s built on shared values, mutual respect, and those little things that make or break a rel...

It’s astonishing how quickly dreams can crumble. For weeks, I was soaring, entangled in what seemed like the start of something extraordinary. He was attentive, charming, and seemed genuinely captivated by me. Every text, every late-night chat, every tender moment felt like a step toward something meaningful. But now, as reality sets in, I understand how mistaken I was.  I’ve been played. The signs weren’t obvious at first. He had a way of making me feel exceptional, like I was the only one who mattered. I fell for it all—the sweet words, the considerate acts, the way he gazed at me with what seemed like adoration. I wove a fantasy around us, convinced we were building something real, something lasting. The night we finally spent together seemed like the culmination of our connection. It was intimate, filled with whispers and touches that made me believe this was the beginning of something beautiful. But the next morning, everything changed. The warmth in his eyes was replaced by a...

  I still remember the way he looked at me that first night we met. His eyes seemed to speak volumes, telling me that I was special, that I was different. It was the beginning of a whirlwind of attention and affection that lasted for weeks. Every text, every call, every little gesture felt like a promise of something more. He made me believe that we were building something real, something lasting. But now, sitting alone in the silence of my room, I realize that all those promises were nothing but a cruel joke. For weeks, he lavished me with attention. There were late-night conversations filled with laughter and shared dreams, sweet messages that made my heart flutter, and moments where I truly believed he saw me—really saw me—for who I was. He made me feel cherished, wanted, like I was the center of his universe. It was a beautiful illusion, one that I fell for completely. The night we finally spent together felt like the culmination of all those weeks of connection. It was suppose...

  "It's not my fault that I shine brighter than you, but for the sake of our relationship, I will try to shine less." Later, I finally understood that not only did my partner NEVER appreciate my efforts to support him by stroking his ego and sacrificing mine, he also felt more pitiful because my self-sacrifice only made him see what he lacked. BOOMERANG. No one was happy. And, the relationship ended.  True story. Luckily, I learned enough to let go and live my own life. When you diminish your own luster for someone to shine brighter in the context of a love relationship, it means you are downplaying your own strengths, achievements, and qualities to make your partner feel more important or successful. Here’s what is happening: 1.    Self-Sacrifice   : You might be putting your partner’s needs, desires, and ambitions above your own. This can involve making sacrifices that hinder your own growth and happiness to support your partner’s. 2.   Insecurity ...

  I was so lonely that I settled for less. I tricked myself into thinking that even poor treatment is OK as long as I am not alone. Perhaps this is all I deserve now.  Does this sound familiar? This a situation where someone's intense desire for a relationship distorts their perception of reality, much like the psychological manipulation known as gaslighting. This time, the target is one's self.  Here’s a breakdown of what this means: 1.   Self-Deception   : The person’s strong longing for a relationship can lead them to ignore red flags or negative aspects of a partner or the relationship. They might convince themselves that things are better than they actually are. 2.   Rationalizing Poor Treatment  : In their yearning to be in a relationship, they might justify or overlook mistreatment, telling themselves it’s normal or deserved. This can lead to accepting behavior that they wouldn’t tolerate if they weren't so desperate for connection. 3...

  She can't accept their break-up. She said she could not go on without him and begs him to reconsider. He walks away anyway, even if his guilt is great. Now, she blames him for her misery and claims that he broke her, made her into a shell of her usual self. Who lost? Who is at fault? When someone guilts another person into never leaving them because of codependency, it usually involves the following dynamics: 1.    Emotional Manipulation  : The person uses guilt to manipulate their partner's feelings, making them feel responsible for their emotional well-being. Phrases like "You’re the only one who understands me" or "I can't live without you" are common. 2.   Fear and Obligation  : The guilt-tripped partner feels obligated to stay in the relationship out of fear of hurting the other person. They might worry that leaving will cause significant emotional harm to their partner. 3.    Dependence and Control   : In a codependent relation...

You changed for the person you love, or they made you change? What does it matter if you decided to change or the pressure from your partner made you discard your old self and create a new one especially for them (so that they wouldn't leave)? You're no longer the person you once were, and now, even your closest friends barely recognize your personality.  Does this resonate? You're not alone. People often change their personality to please someone they love for a few reasons: 1.    Desire for Approval  : They want to be liked and accepted by their partner. Approval can feel rewarding and affirming. 2.   Fear of Rejection   : They fear losing the person they love. Changing their behavior or personality might seem like a way to avoid conflict or rejection. 3.    Perceived Expectations   : They believe their partner wants them to be different. This perception can drive them to change to meet these assumed expectations. 4.    Inse...

When it comes to relationships, emotional manipulation is a tricky, under-the-radar kind of mistreatment that can leave you feeling confused and drained. While both men and women can be manipulative, emotional manipulation doesn't discriminate; it can happen to anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.  So, how do you know if you're being manipulated? Here are three major signs to watch out for.  1. Guilt Trips Are a Regular Feature Ah, the guilt trip—a classic go-to for emotional manipulators. Ever had someone make you feel like you've committed a cardinal sin for choosing a restaurant they didn't like? Guilt trips often start small but can grow into a giant web of emotional turmoil.  Example: > “I mean, sure, I guess dinner was OK. It wasn't what I was hoping for, but I guess as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters.” Notice how the manipulator subtly flips the situation to make it about them, insinuating that you've failed in some way? Th...

Guess what? Valentine's Day is right around the corner!  So, I have a question for you... are you feeling a bit Valentine's-phobic? If you're single, do you ever cringe at the thought of walking into your favorite places only to find them decked out with heart-shaped decorations and couples indulging in PDA?  Are you maybe gritting your teeth at the idea of every hotel room being booked because it seems like everyone is planning a romantic getaway?   If you're in a relationship, are you dreading the guilt that sneaks in because you really don't feel like joining in on the Valentine's Day festivities like everyone else?  Perhaps you're worried that your gift won't hit the mark (if you've even prepared one in the first place)? If you answered yes to any of these questions, welcome to the Valentine's-phobic club!   Now, I didn't write this post to convince you that Valentine's is the ultimate test of romance or to change your feelings abou...

We see the phrase "you are seen, you are heard, you matter" everywhere in social media now. But do we really know how it feels? I do.  For so long, I've been a ghost. A flicker in the background, a fleeting image in the periphery of people's lives.  Nobody really looked, did they?  They saw a facade, a veneer of who I wanted to be, who they wanted me to be.  Smile, nod, laugh at the right moments—play the part, and then vanish.  I perfected the art of being pleasantly forgettable.  But he... oh, he sees me.  When I'm with him,  I can't just blend into the wallpaper. My camouflage fails.  He strips me of my invisibility with a mere glance, a simple question:  "How are you really doing?"  He'll ask, and I'll falter. Because he's not asking to fill the silence. He's asking because he genuinely wants to know. It's unsettling but liberating.  When I think something, he notices; he reacts.  He catches that fleeting shadow across...