The Evil Called Love

There’s a strange kind of fog that rolls in after a breakup. Not just the obvious heartache or grief, but a deeper sense of disorientation — as if you've lost something more than just the relationship. For many of us, the hardest part of moving on isn’t letting go of the other person; it’s remembering who we were before the relationship ever began. When you’ve spent so much time being part of an “us,” it’s easy to forget what it felt like to be “just you.” I know this because I’ve been there. I woke up one day, long after the breakup, and realized that I couldn’t remember what made me   me   before the relationship. My interests, my routines, even the way I saw myself had become so wrapped up in the other person that I had no idea where they ended and I began.        How It Happens: The Slow Disappearance of “You” This loss of identity doesn’t happen all at once. It’s gradual, like a slow unraveling. You compromise, you adjust, and before you know...

  I still remember the way he looked at me that first night we met. His eyes seemed to speak volumes, telling me that I was special, that I was different. It was the beginning of a whirlwind of attention and affection that lasted for weeks. Every text, every call, every little gesture felt like a promise of something more. He made me believe that we were building something real, something lasting. But now, sitting alone in the silence of my room, I realize that all those promises were nothing but a cruel joke. For weeks, he lavished me with attention. There were late-night conversations filled with laughter and shared dreams, sweet messages that made my heart flutter, and moments where I truly believed he saw me—really saw me—for who I was. He made me feel cherished, wanted, like I was the center of his universe. It was a beautiful illusion, one that I fell for completely. The night we finally spent together felt like the culmination of all those weeks of connection. It was suppose...

  "It's not my fault that I shine brighter than you, but for the sake of our relationship, I will try to shine less." Later, I finally understood that not only did my partner NEVER appreciate my efforts to support him by stroking his ego and sacrificing mine, he also felt more pitiful because my self-sacrifice only made him see what he lacked. BOOMERANG. No one was happy. And, the relationship ended.  True story. Luckily, I learned enough to let go and live my own life. When you diminish your own luster for someone to shine brighter in the context of a love relationship, it means you are downplaying your own strengths, achievements, and qualities to make your partner feel more important or successful. Here’s what is happening: 1.    Self-Sacrifice   : You might be putting your partner’s needs, desires, and ambitions above your own. This can involve making sacrifices that hinder your own growth and happiness to support your partner’s. 2.   Insecurity ...

  I was so lonely that I settled for less. I tricked myself into thinking that even poor treatment is OK as long as I am not alone. Perhaps this is all I deserve now.  Does this sound familiar? This a situation where someone's intense desire for a relationship distorts their perception of reality, much like the psychological manipulation known as gaslighting. This time, the target is one's self.  Here’s a breakdown of what this means: 1.   Self-Deception   : The person’s strong longing for a relationship can lead them to ignore red flags or negative aspects of a partner or the relationship. They might convince themselves that things are better than they actually are. 2.   Rationalizing Poor Treatment  : In their yearning to be in a relationship, they might justify or overlook mistreatment, telling themselves it’s normal or deserved. This can lead to accepting behavior that they wouldn’t tolerate if they weren't so desperate for connection. 3...

  She can't accept their break-up. She said she could not go on without him and begs him to reconsider. He walks away anyway, even if his guilt is great. Now, she blames him for her misery and claims that he broke her, made her into a shell of her usual self. Who lost? Who is at fault? When someone guilts another person into never leaving them because of codependency, it usually involves the following dynamics: 1.    Emotional Manipulation  : The person uses guilt to manipulate their partner's feelings, making them feel responsible for their emotional well-being. Phrases like "You’re the only one who understands me" or "I can't live without you" are common. 2.   Fear and Obligation  : The guilt-tripped partner feels obligated to stay in the relationship out of fear of hurting the other person. They might worry that leaving will cause significant emotional harm to their partner. 3.    Dependence and Control   : In a codependent relation...