The Evil Called Love

Life is a series of uncertainties, and perhaps one of the most profound uncertainties we face is the unpredictability of our relationships. Break-ups, though often painful and emotionally taxing, offer us a valuable lesson in navigating the uncharted waters of the unknown. They teach us to appreciate, or at the very least, accept the concept of not knowing and help us realize that this ambiguity is something we can handle. In a world driven by the need for control and certainty, it's easy to forget that life is inherently uncertain. We plan meticulously, expecting every step to follow a predetermined path. Relationships, too, fall victim to this desire for predictability. We enter into them with the expectation that they will last forever, that love will always conquer all, and that the future is set in stone. But reality often has other plans. Break-ups shatter these illusions. They remind us that even the most promising relationships can unravel, leaving us in a state of emotiona...

What is ‘mojo’? Mojo is a simple charm you keep with you at all times to turn bad luck into good fortune. In the personal development context, it’s that magic you have about you that makes you a success, lands you a job and gets you what you want. It’s your ‘aura’; the thing that makes you unforgettable. The glint in your eye, or the snap in your every step. It’s that certain something that keeps you confident. We use this inner charm when we need to get something done, like when we want to impress someone or when we want to drive good fortune into our lives by the power of our mind alone. It is my belief that everyone is born with this ‘magic’ or ‘blessing’.  Considering this, it makes me wonder why a person would feel like he has lost this magic when a relationship ends. More than once, I’ve heard someone else say the phrase ‘unlucky in love’ with a dejected sigh. So… Did You Lose Your “Mojo” to Your Ex? After a break up, you might feel like you’re just a husk of your former self...

When my serious relationship ended, I didn’t realize how much time I’d spend replaying every moment, wondering where it all went wrong. There’s a certain weight that comes with breakups, a dull ache that makes it feel like the world is standing still while you’re still sifting through the ruins of what was once “us.” Moving on is never easy — it took me longer than I’d like to admit — but it’s also a necessary step in regaining your sense of self. Here’s what I learned from my personal experience when it comes to knowing when it’s time to move on after a breakup.        1.     You’re Holding on to Hope, But Nothing’s Changing     After my breakup, I kept clinging to the idea that we might get back together. I would analyze our last conversations, hoping to find some hidden message or clue that things could be fixed. I wasn't ready to accept that it was truly over. But with each passing day, nothing changed. The silence on their end said ...

  I still remember the way he looked at me that first night we met. His eyes seemed to speak volumes, telling me that I was special, that I was different. It was the beginning of a whirlwind of attention and affection that lasted for weeks. Every text, every call, every little gesture felt like a promise of something more. He made me believe that we were building something real, something lasting. But now, sitting alone in the silence of my room, I realize that all those promises were nothing but a cruel joke. For weeks, he lavished me with attention. There were late-night conversations filled with laughter and shared dreams, sweet messages that made my heart flutter, and moments where I truly believed he saw me—really saw me—for who I was. He made me feel cherished, wanted, like I was the center of his universe. It was a beautiful illusion, one that I fell for completely. The night we finally spent together felt like the culmination of all those weeks of connection. It was suppose...

  "It's not my fault that I shine brighter than you, but for the sake of our relationship, I will try to shine less." Later, I finally understood that not only did my partner NEVER appreciate my efforts to support him by stroking his ego and sacrificing mine, he also felt more pitiful because my self-sacrifice only made him see what he lacked. BOOMERANG. No one was happy. And, the relationship ended.  True story. Luckily, I learned enough to let go and live my own life. When you diminish your own luster for someone to shine brighter in the context of a love relationship, it means you are downplaying your own strengths, achievements, and qualities to make your partner feel more important or successful. Here’s what is happening: 1.    Self-Sacrifice   : You might be putting your partner’s needs, desires, and ambitions above your own. This can involve making sacrifices that hinder your own growth and happiness to support your partner’s. 2.   Insecurity ...

  I was so lonely that I settled for less. I tricked myself into thinking that even poor treatment is OK as long as I am not alone. Perhaps this is all I deserve now.  Does this sound familiar? This a situation where someone's intense desire for a relationship distorts their perception of reality, much like the psychological manipulation known as gaslighting. This time, the target is one's self.  Here’s a breakdown of what this means: 1.   Self-Deception   : The person’s strong longing for a relationship can lead them to ignore red flags or negative aspects of a partner or the relationship. They might convince themselves that things are better than they actually are. 2.   Rationalizing Poor Treatment  : In their yearning to be in a relationship, they might justify or overlook mistreatment, telling themselves it’s normal or deserved. This can lead to accepting behavior that they wouldn’t tolerate if they weren't so desperate for connection. 3...

  She can't accept their break-up. She said she could not go on without him and begs him to reconsider. He walks away anyway, even if his guilt is great. Now, she blames him for her misery and claims that he broke her, made her into a shell of her usual self. Who lost? Who is at fault? When someone guilts another person into never leaving them because of codependency, it usually involves the following dynamics: 1.    Emotional Manipulation  : The person uses guilt to manipulate their partner's feelings, making them feel responsible for their emotional well-being. Phrases like "You’re the only one who understands me" or "I can't live without you" are common. 2.   Fear and Obligation  : The guilt-tripped partner feels obligated to stay in the relationship out of fear of hurting the other person. They might worry that leaving will cause significant emotional harm to their partner. 3.    Dependence and Control   : In a codependent relation...

You changed for the person you love, or they made you change? What does it matter if you decided to change or the pressure from your partner made you discard your old self and create a new one especially for them (so that they wouldn't leave)? You're no longer the person you once were, and now, even your closest friends barely recognize your personality.  Does this resonate? You're not alone. People often change their personality to please someone they love for a few reasons: 1.    Desire for Approval  : They want to be liked and accepted by their partner. Approval can feel rewarding and affirming. 2.   Fear of Rejection   : They fear losing the person they love. Changing their behavior or personality might seem like a way to avoid conflict or rejection. 3.    Perceived Expectations   : They believe their partner wants them to be different. This perception can drive them to change to meet these assumed expectations. 4.    Inse...

Love is an elusive beast, hard to catch but even harder to keep. In a world where everything moves at the speed of a tweet, the notion of a lasting relationship may seem like a relic of a bygone era. Yet, some relationships seem doomed from the get-go, crumbling under the weight of inattention, indifference, and sometimes, an unfortunate surplus of pride. While it's tempting to blame fate or circumstance, there are often clear indicators that a relationship is on the rocks before it even takes its first breath. Let's examine three tell-tale signs your relationship was over before it really began. 1. Monologue Over Dialogue: The Solo Planner Ah, planning—the bedrock of any functional relationship. It's not just about choosing the right Netflix series or deciding who gets the last slice of pizza. It's about joint decisions that symbolize a shared journey. If you find yourself making plans for the weekend, picking out restaurants, or even planning trips without considering...

Why is it dangerous to say "we will never break up"? Here is a lesson in relationship realism that I learned the hard way.  Early love is beautiful and those currently in its throes can feel invincible and certain about their future as a couple. It's not uncommon for couples deeply in love to make grand declarations like "we will never break up." Such sentiments may stem from genuine feelings of love and commitment, but making such absolute statements can be both unrealistic and potentially harmful to a relationship.  In this article, we will explore why one should never say NEVER when the topic of breaking up comes up. Due to the complexities of love and human nature, relationships evolve. Relationships are dynamic and constantly evolving, so one should never make absolute statements. People grow, change, and face various life challenges.  What works for a couple at one stage of their relationship may not be suitable in the future. By declaring that a relation...