Are You Settling? Signs You're Accepting Less in Dating (And Why I Stopped Chasing)
I’ve been there. The sleepless nights, overthinking every word exchanged, and clinging to a relationship that, deep down, I knew wasn’t right. But I wasn’t ready to let go. I convinced myself that if I just tried harder, gave more, or waited longer, things would magically change. Spoiler alert: They didn’t.
For a long time, I believed that compromise was essential in love. And it is — to an extent. But there’s a fine line between compromise and settling. And I didn’t realize I had crossed it until I found myself exhausted from running after people who didn’t see my worth.
How I Realized I Was Settling
It wasn’t some grand epiphany or dramatic breakup. Instead, it was a series of small moments that accumulated like sand slipping through my fingers. Every unanswered text, every canceled plan, and every instance where I prioritized their needs over my own chipped away at my confidence.
At first, I brushed it off. Maybe they’re just busy , I’d tell myself. But deep down, I knew I deserved more. The real turning point came when a friend asked me, “Are you happy?” I paused, not because I was trying to find the answer, but because I already knew it. I wasn’t.
I was settling for crumbs, thinking they were enough to sustain me. I was settling for someone who wasn’t emotionally available, yet I was pouring all of myself into the relationship. And the more I ran after them, the more they pulled away. It was a harsh lesson, but a necessary one.
Signs You’re Settling in a Relationship
1. You’re Doing All the Chasing
If you’re constantly initiating conversations, making plans, or trying to keep the connection alive, chances are you’re settling for someone who isn’t as invested. Relationships should be a two-way street. If you feel like you’re running after them, it’s time to ask yourself why.
2. Your Needs Are Always on the Backburner
Compromise is key in any relationship, but when you consistently push your own needs aside to accommodate theirs, you’re not compromising — you’re settling. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, where both partners' needs are equally important.
3. You’re Afraid to Speak Up
When you’re afraid that voicing your concerns will push the other person away, it’s a sign you’re walking on eggshells. If you’re settling, you might fear losing them so much that you avoid necessary conversations. But trust me, if they leave because you spoke your truth, they were never meant to stay.
4. You’re Constantly Making Excuses for Their Behavior
I used to say things like, “They’re just going through a tough time” or “They’ll change once they realize how much I care.” But here’s the truth: people don’t change unless they want to, and you shouldn’t have to make excuses for being treated poorly.
5. You Don’t Feel Truly Fulfilled
There’s a subtle emptiness that comes with settling. Even when things seem fine on the surface, there’s a nagging feeling that something’s missing. If you’re constantly questioning your happiness or wondering if this is as good as it gets, it’s time to reevaluate.
Why I Stopped Running After People
After that conversation with my friend, I made a decision. I stopped chasing. I stopped prioritizing people who didn’t prioritize me. It wasn’t easy. There were days I doubted myself, moments I felt lonely, and times I wondered if I had made a mistake. But over time, I began to find peace.
I realized that I was worthy of love without having to beg for it. I learned to enjoy my own company, to fill my days with things that brought me joy instead of waiting for someone else to fill the void. And when I stopped running after people, something magical happened — I began to attract people who valued me for who I was.
So, if you’re reading this and you feel like you’re constantly running after someone, I’m here to tell you: stop. Stop settling for less than you deserve. Stop thinking that love is something you have to earn. You are enough, just as you are, and the right person will see that without you having to chase them.
Final Thoughts
Settling isn’t just about being with the wrong person — it’s about believing that you’re not worthy of more. But trust me, you are. And when you finally stop chasing, you’ll find that the only person you needed all along was yourself.
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Check out this snarky/funny t-shirt design I found on Creative Fabrica (affiliate link included)
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