There are categories and labels that we use for almost anything we want to organize. Subconciously, we even do that to people we meet. If you ever called someone a “loser” or a “friend”, you’ve probably done this at least once in your life.

One defense mechanism I learned as a single girl is to categorize everything so that I’m more organized. Unfortunately, this habit included people I meet, and usually, the tagging is based on first impressions. I call this a defense mechanism because it immediately alerts me to those I should avoid, and those I should befriend.Recommendations and promotions by other people I already trust have helped me delineate which to open up to and which to close the doors completely.

There’s no grey area for me when it comes to trusting. It’s either I trust or I don’t. This thinking is influenced a lot by my knowledge of my own vulnerability and hero-worshiping nature. I was told that this habit could alienate people who want to get closer to me, and perhaps it did in the past, in more ways than one.

“Tagging someone as a narcissist or anything else is just my way of putting people and things in little boxes that will stack nicely with my current understanding of other things.”

Placing people in boxes helps only if the boxes are kept open. Once a person seals the box and disposes of it, she ends all further contact with that box and everything it contained. Wisdom does come with age, but only if a person allows a second chance for those she decided to avoid.

There’s more to a person than a first impression, and if you’re patient and considerate enough, you might find out. Maybe you can even learn a bit more about yourself and a lot more things from that person. This is also the only way to be completely and irrevocably free from bias. So… be free!

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