This post is somewhat related to a previous one on physical abuse inside dating relationships. Only this time, I’m going to address the close relative of physical abuse, verbal abuse.

No matter how hard dating couples try to prevent a verbal exchange of hurtful words, this is bound to happen one way or another. The healthy strategy would be to have a “b*tching session” with a partner, wherein both parties just let it all out. After which, they kiss and make up, and the issue is successfully dealt with (until someone mentions it again).

Characteristics of emotional abuse

However, there exists a type of guy that shuts up completely during verbal confrontations. This type let’s the woman talk and talk but says nothing in defense. Women may like this type because of the power they feel when they nag talk to him. As I said in the physicality post, girls tend to push guys’ chivalrous instincts to the limit, having so much faith in the innate respect that men in general feel for women. But beware. While he seems to just absorb everything a girl says, he’s like a pressure cooker that’s been on the stove too long. He will explode sooner or later, and his girlfriend better be out of the way when he does.

Has anyone heard the story of a dating couple having a one-sided fight while on the road? One-sided, meaning one partner does all of the shouting while the other one drives. The ending of that story is ugly; it involves a smashed car, an ambulance, two stretchers and a police investigation.

preventing verbal abuse

When in a verbal fight, a person must state his or her case in a firm but articulate manner, using a level tone of voice; and with minimal name-calling. Pauses are mandatory, as they signal the start of other person’s time to speak. Our elders would tell us: “Just bite your tongue when you feel like interrupting someone who’s talking trash to you. Then have the last say.” When the other party refuses to talk, the other must say one thing only once, then shut up also for the rest of the evening.

But I’m not done telling him his faults! I’m not over the fact that he has the nerve to do what he did that started this fight in the first place! it’s frustrating how he won’t explain, apologize, or just speak, for goodness’ sake!….. Hush, girl, calm down. State your piece, stay silent, go home… then go break something in the privacy of your own room. He’s probably doing the same thing.

Provoking the silent types will not give you the explanation or the apology you want to hear. These types will only talk when you’re calm, and agitating them further will only mean trouble when they simply cannot take any more verbal abuse.

Admittedly, this works in relationships that have not yet reached the point of no return (marriage). For those who are married, or are living together, ranting without harming the other physically or verbally gets trickier. Ever wondered why marriage counselors are so rich?

Have a nice day.

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Gift-giving time is upon us once again, and “hello” we say to the season of generosity and splurging! We receive gifts from our friends, families, partners, children and even strangers who just want to give you something.

Let me relate a gift-giving horror story that tells of how a girl got into a rut relationship with a loser who kept track of every single gift he has ever given to his girlfriend. Sounds fun? Read on.

Lovers Quarrel

People in relationships fight all the time, that’s not uncommon. But what if the fight ends with the guy listing out all his expenses during their relationship? Most guys I’ve met will hastily pick up the tab in the restaurant before their girlfriends could even lift a finger in protest. Chivalrous, yes, and generous too. This case is the same with this guy in the story. The girlfriend, blissfully ignoring all the literature she has read about “no free lunch in life”, sits prettily and thinks that she’s the luckiest girl in the world.

Things get ugly when fights come around. Man, the guy does have a good memory when it comes to gifts, but less so when it comes to other things! And after a few sessions of this, the girl gets fed up, asks me on what to do and I offer a very simple suggestion.

Me: Do you guys make love?

Her: Yes, of course.

Me: Then the next time you do it with him, tell him that you charge per hour and that extra efforts on your part will cost him.

Her: (speechless at first, then says…) Are you serious?!?

Me: Ok, you don’t have to tell him all that while you’re at it, but keep a list of all the things you did, how long it took and the number of times you had to drink painkillers to accommodate his pleasure. Then, the next time you fight and he lists all the things he has given you… force him to convert that into a monetary value then deduct from that the monetary value of your “service”. Then PAY him, if applicable.

Her: (Laughing like a hyena now) That will teach him, I guess.

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Chivalrous indeed.

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