The Origin of the Rebel Partner

Some girls and guys, once they are over the ‘honeymoon phase’ of their relationship establish grounds and make up rules. I think this is when the conflicts start. Moreover, this is the dreaded phase that perpetually single men and women fear, leading them to say “being single is more fun because I can be me”.

Do you lose your identity in relationships? Do you feel like abiding by rules that your partner implements is turning you into another person? I think that rules are ok if they are phrased as suggestions or recommendations.

One very perceptive guy I went out with could tell when I was turning into a rebel girlfriend, though I tried my best not to show it. He called it the “eye hardening” phenomenon, when my usual doe-eyed demeanor would seem to harden and he had to duck out of site. Some guys impose unreasonable rules without justifying them. If a guy provided a good reason for making a girl dress a certain way, like “I get jealous when guys ogle your plump, rounded woobies so please don’t deliberately show them to people”, things would be much more clear.

Stifle. Control. Suffocate. Smother.

These words are the most commonly used reasons for wanting to break free from a relationship. Not all controlling actions come from guys however, there are women who turn into she-devils when they feel that they already have a stable foothold in the relationship.

The first year of a couple is crucial to establishing who’s dominant and who’s submissive; and in some cases, who’s submissive or dominant where and when. A rule of thumb I abide by is this: respect the machismo culture when people are around, but not when you’re alone. Unless you are naturally a submissive girl, you must let your voice be heard, but don’t make the mistake of ranting out your strong opinions in situations where in people can watch him get emasculated.

Sometimes, rigid rules make cheating much more tempting. Like a forbidden comfort food that a person eats in secret after lights-out in a strict dormitory. I guess the secret is finding a good spot between total control and compromise. One can’t make someone follow regulations, the other person must volunteer to abide by them.

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If you’ve been here long, you might have noticed my art experiments for my blog. First, I created shirts that show off some of that ol’ woobie attitude . That woobie pillow at the top part of this post is my latest attempt at artistry. The heart symbols, of course, reflect the light and dark side of Woobie, and my blog.

I am a lover of symbols, and I have always wanted to express my views on the L word using symbols, analogies and descriptive phrases. This is because I have doubts if anyone can really describe this feeling in one statement. In fact, the meaning is so relative to the person feeling it that one can go from “love rocks” to “love sucks” in a short time, depending of course on how it manifested itself to the person.

To some, love isn’t love if it is not reciprocated. Like, what’s the point of loving if you aren’t loved back? To others, unconditional love is the norm. Yes, there are people who care without asking for anything in return. What’s the point? It makes them feel good. It makes them feel that they are satisfying a need in themselves to continuously provide affection, regardless of consequences.

The love that I talk about and describe in my talent-challenged art projects such as the pillow in this post is the kind that isn’t all comfort and bliss, it’s the love that hurts a bit when rubbed the wrong way, or when the longing gets too much. It’s the quirky type of love that makes me want to fan the flames, knowing full well that if I let it soar too high, it will burn me.

(For more professional looking logo, though, I’d probably ask my advertiser, FrontierLabel.com to create my publicity labels for me, ’cause the one I created using MS Paint really sucks… again. )

:heh:

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“Sometimes I wonder if I?ve known all along…

The way I always used to bump into you and seek your company at the peaks and valleys. The way you were sometimes not available and sometimes too available

The feeling that even when we were not together, I could sense that you were there for me.

The way we talked about everything and anything but always managed to avoid talking about us?what you felt?how I felt? the way I would always keep in touch?and I couldn?t explain why?

Maybe I did know in my subconscious?where the soul meets the heart

My whole life?all my past relationships?it seems as if it was all in preparation for a lifetime of happiness with you.

No second thoughts?no what ifs?just the amazing clarity that comes with the realization that this is how it should be.

I?ve never been so unbelievably happy and at peace…I can?t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Find friends according to location and race of preference:
Filipinos - Asians - German - Latino - French - Chinese - India - Italian - Jewish - Korean

Find friends according to hobbies, interests and age:
Seniors (40 yo++) - Fitness Minded - Success Driven - Food and Dining Enthusiasts

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I’ve been re-reading my IM archives and trying to find a pattern among the petty relationship fights that some of my friends and acquaintances asked me to help them with. I realize that there are stuff that women and men say to each other that could mean one or 2 other things… I call these, loaded statements and questions.

Mind games are situations or issues that put someone in a defensive mindset. There’s usually no getting around these issues and no getting out of them when you let yourself be locked in. The key to avoiding (surviving) the uncomfortable second guessing that follows is to stay “safe”.

Here are some examples of “mind game” scenarios that men and women allow themselves to be sucked into, and my suggestions on how to handle them.

1. Do you think she’s pretty / Do you think he’s hot? - translated as “do you prefer her/him over me”. This question and how you answer it are commonly the sources of insecurity, which in turn is the underlying cause of all petty fights. A clueless answer to that would be “hell yeah!”, but the correct one would be “she’s/he’s okay”. Saying no would be a lie (as you’ve been openly ogling the girl/guy in question… duh.), and saying “oh you’re prettier/hotter” would come across as patronizing. The “just ok” reply will also be useful in fishing-type questions, such as “does this top make me look fat or ugly?”

2. You’ve been out with your friends again! Perhaps I’m becoming a barrier between you and your hundreds of social affairs! - Translated as “spend more time with me, and if possible, spend ALL of your extra time with me.” The key to getting around this would be sating your partner’s craving for your company by spending quality time with her/him. Then, gently explain why you consider spending 2 or 3 nights a week with your friends important to you. Strike up a deal, wherein he/she will tolerate your time with your friends if you spend an equal amount of quality time with her/him.

3. Don’t ever call/talk to me again - which brings the question “does he/she mean it?” to mind. First step, assess the situation. Is your transgression heavy enough to turn off a person, any person, even you? Usually, a person means the “don’t-ever” part during the phase of intense irritability. Give your partner space and time to forgive you in his/her mind, and DON’T CALL just yet. Missing you after some time will probably make the pride go away. Also, offer a humble, but by no means apologetic truce (read: don’t apologize if you know it’s not your fault). Just say “If you feel like talking already, I’m just here” then move away again, so that the ball is at your partner’s court. Note also that I said talking, not venting.

4. Are you having fun over there? - This is by far the most difficult mind game question to decipher because the no-strings-attached version and the loaded version sound exactly alike. Even if your partner isn’t the jealous type, be very careful in answering this question. When you’re out of town with other people (including members of the opposite sex) and your partner calls you to ask how you’re doing, just say “yeah the party’s fun, but it’d be more so if you were here.” That last bit will be the key to avoiding any further loaded questions, whether or not the first one was loaded.

There’s no guarantee that these recommendations will work, because in mind games, one never really knows what works or not. The statement “don’t play mind games with me” that we hear so often will not work, because the other party might not even realize that he/she is playing mind games with you.

My resources for giving out constructive advice on love, sex, dating and relationships:

• The Art of Seduction
• Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship
• He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (The Newly Expanded Edition)
• If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever
• Understanding Women: The Definitive Guide to Meeting, Dating and Dumping, if Necessary

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Love & romance is in the air and this blog might just melt into a mushy pulp before Valentine’s is through. But, don’t worry something hotter might just mix in with the romantic interlude as summer is coming up.

A Fine Romance is a free dating service that offers a friendly atmosphere where people can connect with each other over the internet. The idea is simple: find someone who matches your personality and you gain a friend, or even meet your soul mate. There are a lot of free dating sites but this one stands out because of its simple interface. When site navigation is a breeze, the interaction part becomes the main focus of the user.

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THIS CONTEST IS OFFICIALLY CLOSED

This is my very first blog contest and it’s for the most special day of the year… Valentines! This will run from January 7 to February 7, and the winners will be announced on February 14, 2008.

Love stories are parts of our lives. It may be the way you met your partner, or your wedding day, or the day you met the “one-that-got-away”. Whatever it is that makes the heart beat a little faster or causes the spirit to lift, is a love story.

However, a good love story may not always be one that ended in happily ever after, it could also be that of unrequited love, love lost or love never told… in that sense, it is something that makes the heart weep… it is, nonetheless, also a love story.

Here’s a sample love story, just to inspire you guys to write.

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The mechanics are simple. You just have to….

1. Have a blog - Blogspot/Wordpress blogs ok, but no Friendster/Multiply

2. Write a blog post on your own blog about your Love Story - must be at least 300 words (if you add images, you’re sure to catch my eye *hint*)

3. Add a link to this post AND to evilwoobie.com within your entry post

• e.g. “This is my entry to evilwoobie’s Valentine Share Your Love Story Contest. Here’s my story……..”

4. Leave a comment on this post telling us that you are joining, and please leave a URL link to your entry.

And, btw, ONLY ENGLISH posts will be considered.Your blog may be in another language, but the entry post must be in English. :D

I and the sponsors of this contest will judge the winners and the prizes are:

First Prize

• A guest post on Evilwoobie.com. You can review your own blog here, talk about your services, products that you’re selling etc. I reserve the right to edit inappropriate content such as lewd photos (this is the only restriction). Your post will be made a permanent part of my blog.
• Advertising for a month on my sidebar (where this contest’s logo is located) 125 x 125 image needed
• $20 gift via paypal
• A tarot reading by me (optional, you can avail of this or not)
• A fan art profile of you and/or your partner. To be created by lizzie of Rosediaries
• AND, 1000 Entrecard credits (if you’re a member already)

Second Prize

• A guest post on Evilwoobie.com
• Month-long advertising on my sidebar (where my face is located) 125 x 125 image needed
• A fan art profile of you and/or your partner. To be created by lizzie of Rosediaries

Third Prize

• A guest post on Evilwoobie.com
• A header image to be done by ricopola of Hime.

!!! SPECIAL PRIZE if you play Philippine Ragnarok Online and you win this contest, I am giving away my remaining RO load in my MyLevelUp account. How much game time exactly? Approximately a month or so of gaming addiction feeding, so you’d better write a blog and join this.
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I will write my own sample Love Story post later, just because… well, because I want to share mine too.. *smiles*

Share the Love! It’s everywhere!:D

Note: I’ve decided to be less inhibited and removed moderation of comments on this blog.

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One day, a girl wakes up and feels light headed. Could it be the gallons of alcohol she consumed the other night? Or the euphoria brought by the company of like-minded people who shared their delirium and everything else with the group?

“Today is the day I change my life.” she suddenly blurts out.

It wasn’t clear why she said this, and maybe she IS still a bit drunk. She isn’t sure of anything anymore, and the last years are like fragments of dream puzzles that just don’t match.

For a while she reflects on how, in the middle of her sleep, she thought she heard God’s voice. Only, she wasn’t sure it was God. Was it the same guy who came as a dove to droves of people, who in turn went into a frenzy of writing and scribbling and finally came up with the book called the Bible?

Nonetheless, the message was clear:

?If you love him, continue loving him?don?t stop because you think that you will look like a fool?just love him unconditionally, with no expectations. Love him even if he?s not by your side. Love him enough to want what?s best for him. Have no desire but his own happiness. He needs you. Pray for his deliverance. Pray for his peace of mind. Pray for his happiness. This is what you ought to do. This is how “I” love you.

You have so much sadness and pain. But this is not because he hurt you. You carry with you this unnecessary burden because you distanced yourself from me. Come back to me. You have a good heart because you have my heart. Do not be weary. Do not feel lonely. Do not feel inadequate. Do not be ashamed to show your love for me. I have blessed you with so much because I have so much in store for you. Come back to me.?

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And I did just that.

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You. A simple collection of three letters that means so much to me. Suddenly, poems that seemed like literary gibberish make sense. I am not myself for sure, because what I am is something that I can control… I can rein in… I can conquer. This insanity has consumed me with bliss, so that the only real truth that I now know is this…

I love you?I?m not afraid to say it now?I?m not afraid of the vulnerability that comes with it?I?m diving in all the way?in over my head even–Because as you say?if it?s not madness, it?s not love?and I believe that.

Maybe the cycle of life thrives on some inner chaos that consumes people when they fall in love. Is this the universe’s mandate on how it should sustain itself… that those who are chosen to fulfill life’s promise must first be initiated to a world of illusions before they can start their destiny?

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The The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene is the best book discussing the game of love, what aspects of relationships the efforts should be concentrated on and when to make your move. This has helped me a lot in my advice giving and my own personal relationships. I know it will help you too.

Consider this scenario. A nice, well-meaning guy finally finds the opportunity to talk to the girl of his dreams at a college party. She’s idly standing by the buffet table alone and all he has to do is start a conversation with her. He slowly approaches her and for a second, their eyes meet. Suddenly, the girl’s eyes shift from his to a spot over his shoulder and she waves to her friends. He helplessly watches as she rushes past him to join the others by the pool. He then asks himself over and over, what went wrong?

Many guys are either too shy when around women or too scared to admit that they don’t know how to approach women. To complicate things, the pressure placed on these guys by their peers and society in general forces them to keep their problem to themselves for fear of ridicule. It’s a lot easier to declare that they choose not to get involved with girls, than admit their inability to get and maintain dates. The crippling inhibitions that these guys manifest when dating women will obviously result in an unending string of lousy dates and unreturned phone calls that could make a guy lose faith in himself completely.

Advice from girl pals, older sisters and even moms may not always be comprehensive because of one simple handicap… they’re not guys. As it is with women, there are certain very personal issues that men keep hidden; and these impose a limit to their emotional availability. These are unspoken feelings of being “at a loss” that only another guy will understand.

I recently discovered a dating site that points out the common mistakes that guys make in approaching women, and offers effective, life-changing techniques to reverse these mistakes. The Modern Man addresses the universal dilemma of eternally dateless guys, and those that are forever treated by girls as “best guy friend material”. Within a few minutes of browsing, I was amazed at how insightful the dating tips are. A few more pages later, I discovered why: the people coaching men on how to be the hottest that they can be are guys themselves!

Free audio samples of conversation starters are available and I was smiling the whole time I was listening to these. I kept thinking, “wow, these guys really know how women think huh… interesting…” and then I went on listening and laughing some more.

I could name a half a dozen guys who need to go to this site right now, but I won’t post their names here; I’ll just send these links to them later *smiles*.

So, if you feel that you are one of those who need to learn from the expertise of The Modern Man, then by all means, GO! Visit this site before your sister, your mom and your best girl buddy (who, by the way, never thought of you as a prospect with you being the way you are) shake you vigorously and scream “please get a clue!!!”

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Find friends according to race of preference:
Filipinos - Asians - German - Latino - French - Chinese - India - Italian - Jewish - Korean
Find friends according to preferred sexual orientation:
Gay - Lesbian
Find friends according to hobbies, interests and age:
Seniors (40 yo++) - Fitness Minded - Success Driven - Food and Dining Enthusiasts

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Some of you knew me in other forums and sites. Some just discovered me through this blog and the social networks I joined. I take this opportunity to thank everyone who visited, and continue to visit. Thank you.

I closed down my goody blog “Woobie: life, gaming and introspection” because of maintenance issues and decided to keep all my posts in my “evil” blog. If you’ve read my posts and browsed my categories (and if you’ve seen the transitions of this blog’s appearance), you will have by now realized that I’m not really evil, just a bit angsty… and sweet… and angsty… and caring… and… did I mention angsty? *smiles*

I fancy myself a person with different sides, corresponding to my different interests. A gamer, a mother, an ex-playgirl, a tarot and astrology junkie, and just another opinionated girl.

You probably linked me up and subscribed (or will subscribe, thank you) because of the following reasons:

1. You belong to the select group of gamers of my favorite MMORPG, Ragnarok Online.

2. You are just so curious about my thinking process and moods, and my inspirations for my eclectic posts and opinions, that you want to analyse them and look for a pattern (there’s none! bwikikikik*evil laugh*)

3. You liked my dating guides and want to learn more about my concepts regarding dating, falling in love, being disillusioned, being rejected… and of course, finding love again.

That third reason for subscribing, I have not really paid any attention to lately, and I apologize. But it’s time to make amends. Yeah, the evil one has been clamoring to post something more appropriate to the title of this blog. And I’ve recently just decided to indulge her. Watch out for more evil woobie posts on dating and love relationships.

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