Attraction could translate as ‘crush’ or ‘extreme liking’. Some define it as love or being in love. Nonetheless, the best and most vague way to define it is this:

The person incites a feeling in you
that you cannot even begin to explain,
but you don’t complain
because you actually like that weird, crazy feeling.

Sexual tension is something that happens when two people who share a mutual attraction for each other play the game of “signs”. Simply put, one does something then wait for a reaction from the other. This could go on and on without direction, until

1. both take the first step towards a more intimate relationship, Or
2. lose interest because of the lack of a real opening.

Building Sexual Tension

Sexual Tension does not always lead to sex. In fact, it shouldn’t (at least not yet). What it will do is foster intimacy, make the other person think of you in a way that is more than ‘just friends’. This concept is quite similar to how a successful salesman made it; it involves a series of steps that will eventually lead to the point of sale… the bottleneck where someone chooses only between “yes” and “no”. One creates sexual tension by…Flirting with a Purpose

Some flirt to show appreciation, some do it to simply prove they can generate attraction, but building sexual tension by flirting is quite different. Underneath the eye contact, body language and the sweet talking is the underlying message: “know me more” and “be with me longer”. Some instances when two people can build sexual tension include sexy phone conversations, online chat sessions, watching a sultry sunset (or a movie) together and a very romantic dinner date.

What happens when Sexual Tension builds between friends?

Fostering intimacy between friends could aid the friendship-love transition, or it could simply result in a much stronger bond between the two individuals. Once sexual tension is released, through intimacy or passion, both will know what exactly they are to each other. They could still go their separate ways but they both realize that they will never have to live their lives guessing… “What could have happened if we encouraged that attraction instead of ignoring it like it didn’t exist?”

I wrote more about this topic over at Bobby and Mike’s blog, The Seduction Bible.

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As a kid, I have been very curious about relationships and lurked around adults when they had their heart to heart conversations, like when aunts, family friends and girl friends of my mom would come over; or the drinking sessions in our house and my dad’s friends would be there talking about anything under the sun, including women. I’d be there behind the tapestry in the sala, pretending to read a book.

While, I have been shushed many times for asking ‘inappropriate questions’, I persisted until one of the more sensible grown ups answered me. One particular time, the conversation revolved around commitment and why some people cheat. I asked,

“Auntie, what is loyalty? How does one know that a spouse is being unloyal?”

She looked at me directly and answered with an analogy “A man slipped while walking on the street with an open manhole. Only, he did not fall in. He went home unscathed; and his wife, although pissed at the mess, forgave him for his torn and dirty jeans.”

Thus, I concluded that…..

A loyal spouse will always go home to his partner, every single day of his life. If he slips along the way and finds himself in trouble for one reason or another, he will still go home to face his wife. Even if he has to explain so many things and risk judgment, he will still go home.

The burden of forgiveness lies on the partner. In fact, I think that cheating per se entirely depends on how both parties define it. Ending a relationship because of unfaithfulness will mean that one or the other cannot live with ‘the slip’ anymore.

What do you think?

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I?m not quite sure why, but people love to tell me things that they won?t even talk to their best friends about. (Oh, the stories I could tell.) The bizarre part is that I don?t even know most of the people who confide in me. Strangers waiting for the bus, the girl bagging my groceries, the guy working in his yard as I stroll by on my evening walk, homeless men on park benches, and even on-duty police officers will tell me the dramas of their lives, ask me for advice, and confess their deepest secrets. (I must have ?FREE THERAPY? tattooed on my forehead. That?s OK; I love it.)

So what are the deep secrets and concerns I hear about most often? Relationship woes. Sometimes the complaints are superficial. ?He leaves up the toilet seat.? ?She never puts her clothes away.? Blah, blah, blah. But sometimes, the problems obviously run deeper.

Some people say things that make me want to scream out, ?Then why are you with this person? You idiot!? (But of course, I say it in a much less offensive way.) Many of such people seem think that their relationships are perfectly normal and healthy. It?s as if they don?t even realize that they?re in a bad relationship and need to get out. Are you one of these people? Well, here are some signs (taken from real conversations) that you probably should consider packing your bags:

1. You expect people to relate with you when you say things like, ?You know how when you wake up in the night and realize that you wish your husband would just die?.?

2. You go to the corner store to buy a soda, at 3 am, and you don?t come back until your wife has to wake up and get ready for work, just because you need an excuse for not being in bed with her.

3. You expect people to relate with you when you say, ?You know how after the 5^th year of marriage, you fantasize about killing your husband?.?

4. You repeatedly say, ?God I hate her,? after every sentence whenever you?re talking about your girlfriend/wife.

5. You live together, but you never say ?Good morning,? ?Good night,? ?Bye, Honey,? ?How was you?re day,? ?I love you,? or even ?Hello.? You do, however, spend lots of time screaming, ?What the hell do you want?!?

6. You brag about how you left your husband for a week just to let him know how much you can?t stand him, and you can?t wait until you get to do it again.

7. You haven?t seen your wife for 3 days. You have no idea where she is. You don?t even know if she?s dead or alive. And honestly, you don?t really care.

8. Even though you moved in together 10 years ago, you?ve never unpacked your stuff. You?ve kept all of your things separated from his and packed away in nicely labeled moving boxes because it will make moving so much easier when you leave him.

9. You have sex with your husband (even though the very thought of having sex with him makes you sick) because he says he?ll leave you to be with his mistress if you don?t, and you don?t want him to do that because if he does you?ll lose your health insurance.

10. You insist that you and your partner have the best relationship ever, as long as you only see each other one day every other week. (Anything more, and you develop absolute hatred for each other and are likely to scratch each other?s eyes out.)

If you liked this post, please check out my personal guide to life at http://www.kristensguide.com (Kristen?s Guide ? a practical guide to a happy life), and also stop by my personal, online diary at http://kristenbrookebeck.blogspot.com (Kristen Brooke Beck: the Written Ramblings) to enjoy my random thoughts about the world.

Happy day!

Kristen Brooke Beck

http://www.kristensguide.com

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My guest for this post is Kristen of Kristen’s Guides, an advice blog tackling self- improvement in various aspects of our daily lives, including relationships and finances. For more relationship advice, I use these books:

• Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship
• He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (The Newly Expanded Edition)
• If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever
• Understanding Women: The Definitive Guide to Meeting, Dating and Dumping, if Necessary

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