This is for those who are in new relationships (first few months) and would like to get to know their new partners without being too obvious about it. Simple tips that you can do while in a date, talking on the phone, SMS or chatting online. Inspired by questions that I have been asked before, and situations that I directly mediated (we call it “naging tulay“, bridge, in Filipino), this is my general guide for all you would be lovers who want to get a glimpse of how the other person behaves, or is bound to behave in your future life as lovers.

Second guessing is not entirely bad. It is merely your impression or deductions of what is to be expected. It becomes a bad thing when you act upon your deductions without being sure, and assuming the worst. As long as you keep an open mind, give the other person a chance to get to know you (and vice versa) and smile a lot, you are starting your relationship on a positive note.

I. The Honeymoon Phase

When in a new relationship, relax. You have NOT suddenly been handed the weight of the world, so don’t act like it’s a humongous deal and you have to change the way you act, dress, behave and etc. Take advantage of this phase by unobtrusively observing how the other person tries to win you over.
This isn’t the time for drama or guilt trip or neediness. You are testing the waters and deciding whether to dive in and swim or to wear a life vest and just float around. This is also the time when love making is at its peak, so enjoy it while it lasts.

II. Take Note of Names and Places

He will not tell you everything in the beginning. This is particularly true for those who didn’t go through the ups and downs of an enduring friendship before hooking up as lovers. However, there are times when blabbing about nothing and everything (bound to happen if you communicate with each other daily for 20 hours minimum) becomes a good thing in relation to your quest to get to know him better.

Certain names and places will come up, and when they do, I advise you to just put down your nail file (if you file your nails as you speak with your BF for hours over the phone, like I do) and listen up. Suppress the urge to ask nosy questions for now, as there is plenty of time to do that later. For now, just remember how he said the names in relation to his story.

III. Throw a Curved Ball… Once.

So now you’re so into each other and a few months into the relationship. You have an outline of his personality, what he likes and dislikes, food choices and whatever else. It’s time to test the limits of his temper and how he will react to something that you do, which you think he might not like. Sometimes, our deductions of another person’s likes and dislikes are way off. There are certain issues that would really turn him off, and there are others that are ‘just barely tolerable’; hopefully, you know about these already. Use the latter rather than the former, so that it’s easier to apologize, say that you’ve learned your lesson, and that you won’t do it again.

If you haven’t read the The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, I suggest you do so. Taken positively, and used in a light and whimsical manner, the tips you will learn will make you more aware of the mind games that lovers play. Just remember the first thing I said, RELAX… and don’t let paranoia eat you.

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If I were to sum up the best flirting tips I have ever read, heard of, and heard directly from real natural-born flirts, they would amount to only one phrase: mixed signals. The push and pull, the hot and cold, the green and red lights, clues that he likes you.

You might have read somewhere that mixed signals are bad and that they confuse people, make them feel uncomfortable and such. You might even have received advice that you should never give mixed signals.

Yes, they do confuse, they get misinterpreted and they sometimes lead to trouble… but they also make it difficult for people to look away.

Here you will learn how to use nonverbal signs to express your appreciation; when NOT to give out mixed signals; and when to stop giving mixed signals.

The Tease - When ‘Maybe’ Means ‘Yes’

Coyness works in such a way that the guy can feel that you’re into him but you somewhat hesitate to tell him directly. This is cute to some men, particularly those who are also into you. In such cases, here are a few things that you can do to get the message across without actually putting them into words.

1. Eye Play - Some girls are like me; I simply cannot look directly for a long time at a crush, an ex I still have feelings for, or a guy who has already told me he likes me. When you keep your gaze away from his for a time then you suddenly look at him directly, you might cause his heart to skip a beat. Eyes are the windows to the soul and for sure, if you feel anything for him it will show in your eyes.

2. Footsie - You can be at the coffee shop talking about something as silly as the coffee flavors you have tried in the past, but when you start lightly touching his feet with yours, he will get the message (even if all he can talk about is still coffee flavors).

One warning: When dining with a group of people, like his relatives for example, do footsie cautiously. Or at least make sure that the foot you are touching is his, not his dad’s.

3. The Lingering Touch - A light touch on the shoulder or arm when you need to tell him something bland could linger for a few seconds and he will notice it. It’s better to say his name once before touching though, as many guys have developed the instinctive reflex of punching people who surprise them with a touch on the shoulder.

When to NOT send out mixed signals, and when to stop

Is he receptive?

Giving mixed signals should only be tried by girls who know the consequences that could occur when these prompts are taken badly. First, sense out your guy. Is he openly smiling? Does he seem like he’s open to flirting, or is he drinking alone in the bar facing the counter, chugging bottle after bottle of beer as if hops and malting barley will go extinct the next day? If he seems like he’s going to strangle anyone who disturbs his peace, stay away. If he is facing everyone with a bottle in his hand and actually checking you out, then that’s when you play coy.

Stop waving the red cape if he’s too clueless to notice (or he’s gay… and you’re clueless!)

Try a smile in his direction once, if he responds immediately, you can play your coy game. If he doesn’t, he could be ignoring it or really not interested in you. Do not repeat when he shows signs of cluelessness or negativity. Rejection mixed signals from guys are not uncommon, so do not wait for the real verbal rejection to come your way.

It’s almost impossible to delineate between gay and straight nowadays, particularly with the advent of the Metrosexuals (def: urban male with a strong aesthetic sense - source). If he’s not biting, check if he’s giving out signals of his own, signs that you can’t miss, and nonverbal actions that tell you, “girl, I am soo not your market”.

:heh:

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Touch… I cannot even begin to describe the role that this action word played in my past and present love life. Touching, whether figuratively or literally, makes a person take notice of you. How do we utilize the power of touch in our daily intimate lives? One way is through massage. This is the best non-verbal way of expressing your feelings for another person because the gratification factor goes one way; the person being massaged feels the benefits, while the other is only eager to serve.

Ordinary Day Massages - For when you have no time to set up a home spa.

1. While she’s doing chores - Give her a back rub while she’s cooking or washing dishes. If she’s ticklish, though, it’s probably not a good idea to surprise her with a surprise back rub. The pressure points should be the nape and the spot exactly between the shoulder blades. One minute minimum, three minutes maximum time for giving this massage.

2. When he comes home from work or from the gym - A foot massage is out of the question, but a hand massage will do. Sit him on the couch and tell him to relax. Press the center of the palm then work your way to the fingers with steady pressure. You can work the arm and the shoulders if he’s still receptive.

When You’ve Got Time To Spare

1. A Full Body Massage with Aromatherapy for him

Fragrant baths and aromatic oils are always associated with girls. Make him feel the pleasure of these things by asking him to soak for a while in scented water. Light a scented candle, have him lie face down on the bed and work his back kinks with essential oils.

Knead, Don’t Rub. Men have big knotted muscles that won’t budge. To prevent strain and so that you won’t get tired for other things, the best way to massage a guy’s tense back involves using your weight and gravity. Position your hands on strategic points on his back (shoulder blades, the spot at the exact center of the back or anywhere else that feels tense) then press down using your weight, like doing push ups. Repeated pressure on knotted muscles loosens them up to allow more gentle rubbing later.

2. A sensual pampering for her

Bring home a bouquet of roses, but don’t let her put them in a vase. Instead, remove the petals one by one while she takes a shower. Pour perfumed oil and sprinkle the petals on her back. While you use your whole hand to knead her tense muscles, rub the petals on her skin with your thumb. This lets her feel the softness of the petals and smell the fragrance released from them while you massage her back.

Important Reminder:

Do not think about sex. Don’t resent the other person if he or she falls asleep while you’re giving the massage and fails to ‘reciprocate’. Massage is a one-way thing that is given to make the other person feel good. While she might not be able to return the favor at that time, for sure she will remember that you gave that selfless, non-verbal gift of relaxation and return the favor next time.

:D

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My Astrology posts on Guy/Girl Sensing is now in pure English! Thanks to everyone who viewed! It can be viewed at the top bar of this blog or through the links.

You can also check out my recommended dating sites to practice your newfound knowledge on dating using astrology tips. Or, try to find more ways to liven up your holding-hands moments with your special someone by learning some Palmistry basics.

> Resources I use:
Linda Goodman’s Love Signs: A New Approach to the Human Heart
Linda Goodman’s Sun Signs
Sextrology: The Astrology of Sex and the Sexes
The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need, CD-rom Edition

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