Evil Woobie

I have long been posting about Guy Friends and how love can develop from a simple friendship. All the songs and movies about friends evolving to lovers confirm our suspicion that while the cupid guy sometimes shoots at unwary strangers, he is more likely to target the people that are already familiar with each other.

A reader, Anne (not her real name), recently sent in a question about her guy friend/suitor problem. Like every one who has ever been in that gray area between love and friendship, she is confused and more than a little bit excited at the thought that she could be more than just friends with a long time homie.

Here’s her question:

• Hello!! I came across you website and I thought I might ask about a particular guy that I’m interested in… Well first off, we’re pretty good friends, although, over the past month we’ve started to get closer. We have just been hanging out more by ourselves rather than hanging out in the group we always hang out in. I’m just wondering if he’s starting to have feelings for me because sometimes he’ll say that he misses me. Also, the last time that we went to the movies alone, he put his arm around me and we cuddled throughout the entire movie. Would a guy do that with a girl he just likes as a friend? Also, sometimes he’ll call me before he goes to sleep. Could I be overanalyzing this?

Anne’s story is a classic friends-to-lovers dilemma. While we would love to have a clear line between love and friendship, there is none. What we do have is that transition period when everything gets so confusing that one seeks outside influence to figure it out.

Here’s my response:

• Hey, Anne. There’s a thing called ‘mutual understanding’ which happens when a friendship reaches that exact point where you are now. It’s like, you’re very good friends and have now been thinking about each other romantically, and every sweet gesture (arms around each other in the movies etc) adds to that.This phase will ONLY be broken (you and your guy friend proceed to the love phase or go back to ‘really just friends’) if…

• 1. One or the other risks asking “What are we?”. This is usually the unspoken question that never gets asked because the “mutual understanding phase” is very comfortable and safe, though open-ended. And,

• 2. One or the other gets in a relationship with a third party. Remember that under the ‘barely lovers, more than friends’ banner, there is no exclusivity. You have not yet committed to a serious relationship and can be open to others coming in.

So how about it, peeps. What do you think?

I have a Love-Hate relationship with time.

For a period, time was a friend, an ally that helped me get over something I’d rather forget, like a relationship given up for the sake of growth or some other BS reason. ‘Time heals all wounds’ is an old cliche that I tell people looking for advice on how to get over their broken relationships.

It’s like every day, we wake up and start anew. It takes more and more effort to remember the things that pushed us to almost give up on life a few days ago. Sleep erases the more destructive things from our minds when we succumb to it, like our spirit’s built-in defense against self-destruction. This is related to my theory of sleeplessness during depression. It’s as if we know that when we sleep, we will forget the more salient stuff about why we’re depressed. For some perverted reason, people need to fuel their anger, which will miraculously disappear if we take care of ourselves a little more.

Time became the enemy for me when I let myself be eaten up by lethargy. I was in a dead-end job that paid me less than the price of peanuts for everything I put out, but I didn’t mind because I was too afraid to venture out. In the process, I let time lull me into a fake sense of comfort, not knowing that the more I let my talent die, the more I lost the urge to cultivate it. And before I knew it, I became an aging geek in denial who realized too late that a rut job is no better than a rut relationship; it sucks up your energy ’til you don’t have any left for anything else.

This diatribe of sorts was influenced in part by an advertiser’s request to choose a watch from their Tag Heuer line and share it with my readers. I chose this pink beauty.

In a previous post I talked about how to plan a Grand EyeBall for those looking to gather a bunch of people they met online to interact in a real life setting. Today, I’m going to talk about what exactly happens in EyeBalls (EBs), what to expect and what not to expect.

If you’ve been chatting for a while and joining a few or all of the free dating sites available in the web, you must know about online personalities. These are the “people” we project online, and while we are still who we are, our online personalities may not be understood or looked upon as accurately as we think, compared to our offline ones.

I am an advocate of the Keepin’-It-Real way of presenting my online personality, so that those who are avid readers of my blog will find that they can talk to me offline in the same way as they do here in this blog’s comment section. Why do I prefer this approach when I have been warned time and time again that while I may be sticking to the ‘real-me’ principle, others may not be?

This is because of one fact and one fact alone: I may have connected with these friends only over the internet, but I will do everything in my power to meet them in real life someday. And, when that happens, I don’t want them to feel cheated of the time they spent talking to a fake online personality.

Aherm. Now, let’s talk about The EB.

What to expect during a one-on-one EB, or what we call “The First Real Date”

• The other person may not be as talkative in real life as in chat. Some of us are more eloquent online, and for good reason. How else are we supposed to interact online, if we don’t type words on our keyboards? ‘Shyness’ online is tantamount to never chatting with anyone. I have observed in the past that the most gregarious people over the net are the most quiet offline. These people are more comfortable typing than actually talking, and you should adjust to that if you want a successful offline date.

• There could be SEX, particularly if you have been having cybersex or been behaving like a real couple, albeit online. For those who don’t know, cybersex is just a techie-fied version of ‘pleasuring one’s self while fantasizing about the other person’. It’s usually done through erotic language and/or naughty use of the webcam. Still think letting your minor roam the net is a good idea?

• Photos may not be accurate. While we’d like to believe that photographs reflect the truth, there are certain computer softwares created just to beautify photos that are normally bland. But at the same time, I do believe that beauty is always based on personality. The best thing about internet dating is you meet the personality first (provided you both believe in keeping everything real). One girl once told me “but he seemed so handsome online” and I gave her a bristling wake up call. If you judge a book by its cover, an online relationship (or any relationship at that) might not be for you.

• The flame could burn out. This isn’t unusual. The way you connected over the net may have been real, but after you meet offline, there’s that possibility of never thinking of each other romantically again. Why does this happen? Online interaction is basically just friendship, and going beyond that means you want something more than just friendship. Chemistry could happen or it could not, and there’s no assurance that clicking so well online will lead to a fruitful relationship.

Nonetheless, we can keep on chatting, searching and hoping that we will find the ‘one’ through this never never land called The Internet. After all, love does grow in the weirdest places.

In my quest to find advertisers who can offer my readers a completely Free Dating Service, I found Meeta.com. Interaction and community building are free. While connecting online is free, they do offer other things, and these include opportunities for members to attend events in real life settings. That they don’t allow certain countries to participate in their community is understandable, as they want to target people who live near their existing members, for eyeball (EB)-related reasons.

EyeBall (EB) is a term coined to describe two or more people meeting offline for the first time, following a period of chatting online. The mere mention of this word takes me back to the time when I attended several EBs in a week. In fact, some of the best dating memories I will keep with me forever are from EBs.

While it is the prerogative of any chatting couple or groups to have their EB any time, a Grand EB is a completely different thing. It’s a massive event that needs proper planning, a lot of sponsors and several weeks of preparation.

Here’s a simple guide I prepared to help you organize your own Grand EB with minimum hassle.

Finding sponsors. The key to choosing who to approach to fund your event is knowing the demographics of your online community members, i.e. common factors such as age, ethnicity, interests and hobbies etc. The questions to ask yourself before writing a sponsorship request, include:

• Does this company offer a product that my members will like?
• Will this company benefit in the long run after this initial introduction to my group?
• Does this company NEED more publicity? Do they have a new product that they are launching soon?
• Does this company have a history of event sponsorship? Are they open to partnership requests?

Let me illustrate the next steps with an example.

• I am throwing a party for my community in a particular dating site. I know that my members have established certain relationships with each other, and are looking to explore new levels of connection e.g. real dates. The venue will be a spacious function room in a cozy hotel where singles can either dance or simply sit around to talk. To be partly sponsored by the hotel itself (one that could offer accommodations at a discount to my members).

• I will then look for a good artist who will provide romantic ambiance through music. My choice is a violinist (like my friend Diwa) because of the soulful sound of any music created using a violin. He can meet potential clients within my group, couples who may get married someday, or men who may need music to properly propose to a girl they met in the party.

• Food will be sponsored in part by an independent caterer who specializes in date food, innovative finger food, like hors d’oeuvres, that doesn’t take much effort to eat while talking to another person.

• And, because I know that some members have already broken the friendship barrier and are already dating online, it is highly advisable that I partner with a company specializing in safe sex products like condoms. This is particularly applicable in Sex EB’s (to be discussed in another post, so you’d better subscribe *wink*)

Here are my favorite Tattoo brands ever: Sun Signs! I personally prefer the more aggressive ones, such as those of a Scorpio and Aries, but the tamer looking ones, like Libra, are so cool too! Browse through these and choose your favorites!

The Ram is the symbol of Aries, the pack leader and the promoter of any organization. He is steadfast and dependable, energetic and strong. This tattoo signifies his greatness (and initiative to be the leader at all times).

This is Taurus, The Bull. No less unmovable than Aries when he makes a stand but will set aside everything for his loved ones. He is clannish and endearing, and mostly tame as long as you don’t wave the red flag.

Gemini is the most complex sign, if you don’t know where to look for vulnerability in his personality. He binds you in words and mischief, he jokes with you til your quest to find ‘the real him’ is completely diverted

Cancer is the sensitive Zodiac personality and that trait is particularly symbolized in this tattoo… The complexity is gently hidden and shows up only in moods, while a gentle wave comes out every once in a while to tickle you.

Leo is majestic and proud, and this tattoo’s representation does him justice. He is a simple guy with simple wants… EVERYTHING. Bigger than big, grander than grand… he doesn’t mince on his dreams and his efforts to take the world by the balls.

Virgo is sensitive too, only if it’s practical to be sensitive. He won’t sacrifice pragmatic reasoning just because he’s feeling emotional. He will do what needs to be done and then deal with the emotional issues after. He’s the perfect employee, but watch him run out when the party gets too lewd for his taste.

Libra’s balance is accurately shown in this tattoo. That he weighs things for benefits and disadvantages can be annoying, but someone’s got to do it, and they’re good at presenting both sides of a coin.

Scorpio wields magnetic power over everyone who dares to come close enough to feel his sting. His innocent face can go from soft to granite in seconds, while you are left in the dust wanting him all the more.

Sagittarius will never let you rest… laughing. They seem like the busiest people with so many stuff to do during the day, and then you realize that they spent just about a few hours just kidding around with you.
They will make the best promises and wait ’til you follow their lead before dropping hints that they weren’t going anywhere after all.

Capricorn tattoo expresses the same discipline that a person born under this sign practices on a daily basis. Every nuance is carefully implemented and each has a purpose. What results is a balance between social and home life, and between personal and business.

Aquarius! This is my favorite of favorites among the zodiac tattoos! The two figures represent water pouring from the proverbial Aquarius maiden’s jar, indicating temperament, tolerance and moderation. They do look like powerful waves, but at the same time, they seem like giant scythes to me. Maybe it’s just me. Such a strong representation for one of the tamest signs of the zodiac.

Pisces. This tattoo represents Pisces accurately, as do other figures like the fishes going in separate directions. There’s a conflict going on inside every Pisces. A conflict that only he or she can explain. It has a lot to do with his belief of the ideal and the cynical truth that he is so sensitive to. The best part of this sign is its ability to take the opposing factors and manipulate them towards getting his goals. He’s like a double agent, working both sides of the force to his advantage.

Many many thanks to tattoo fashion for the images. Although they use these symbols for henna tattoos, I’m sure they will look better if rendered in ink. :D

For More Information on Zodiac Personalities of Men and Women, Kindly Visit My Zodiac Sensing Pages

Old timers here will remember a rate your date site that I fell in love with during the early days of my blog. It’s a site that surveys women, and aims to help them screen their dates and find out the real dirt on the guy they’re currently dating. Who provides the info? The guy’s ex-girlfriend.

Behind the success of WomanSavers.com is Stephany Alexander, a dating expert who gives constructive advice to women who got burned by their relationships with men they met online (and offline). She asked me to advertise their services further, and obviously, it gives me great pleasure to do so.

I’ve been to that site a few times since I discovered it, typing some friends’ names in the search box and finding out who’s been naughty. The report-a-guy areas are wonderful, and there ARE cat fights (the guy’s supporters vs. complaining women), but the purpose of the site is noble. The very best guys you could meet online receive sterling recommendations (and a few ‘c’est domage” tears), while the sneaky, deceitful, perverted men are rated poorly by the women unfortunate enough to date them.

I pointed some of my guy friends to that site and asked them if they felt a little pang of fear as they typed in their names or chat aliases on the search bar. Most said “no, of course not, I’m just trying to humor you”, but they admitted to feeling anxious that one of their ex-girlfriends could have reported them. Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do…..?

It’s six months before my sister takes the biggest plunge of her life and I’m excited as well as scared shitless… again. This year and last, I’ve seen my best friends tie the knot and just go for it. For my sister though, I’m thinking of giving her a singles party to remember, because it’s the last one she will ever experience.

I am going to use a hen party model that an advertiser specializes on, they call it Hen Weekends, and they operate in the UK. At first I thought a pole dancing school theme for a bachelorette party won’t work here in the Philippines but then again, why not? It’s an all-girl night out and soon enough people here will catch the trend.

The wildest girls’ night out party I attended was a few years back. It took a lot of planning but the party itself didn’t follow the program we set up. First off, they decided to scrimp on the stripper budget. And then, they asked me to do the choosing.

Girl Friend: Woobie, we decided that you should go out and hire a male dancer for the party.
Woobie: Oh no, I already volunteered to cook the pica-pica.
Girl Friend: You don’t understand, sis. This isn’t a request. It’s a dare.

So off I went looking for a male dancer who will agree to dance for a pitifully small amount of money. The pros were expensive and for good reason, they’re really hot and can dance. Since the budget was limited, I decided to prioritize those who can put on a good show, never mind the good looks (tightwads can’t be choosy).

I was surprised to find many guys willing to strip for a roomful of giggling girls, and many were eager to show the merchandise before i paid down payment! Meeting one who fits the criteria, I prepared for the criticisms I will receive from the budget-loving girls.

They snorted and rolled their eyes up until the ‘dance number’. During which they screamed and clapped, and had a good time over all. Oh yeah, it was a Full Monty.

:D

A fellow gamer and cosplay enthusiast, sylv3rblade asked me via my contact page to talk about break ups, or what I call the dark side of love.

Of course, it would have been a lot easier to talk about how wonderfully blissful love is, or the many easy ways that romance relationships can bloom in this world. However, anyone who has ever been warmed by love’s flame has the tendency to crave it so badly that he or she gets burned in the process. How does a promising romance turn sour? What kind of twisted evolution does the relationship go through so that the people in it feel the need to break loose like criminals who have no way out?

How does Love happen?

Love as attraction may happen instantly, as the love-at-first-sight lobbyists proclaim, but a romance and the relationship that follows takes longer to develop. In the process of the relationship’s development, the initial seed of attraction gets nourished and grows into that thing that every one of us dreams of having: True Love.

Listen to this song while you read the rest of this post. This tops my list of the best break up songs ever written. :-D

The Love Gradient

My obvious preference for the color red is not completely baseless. Its gradient from light to deep red to black is the visual representation of the way I define a relationship’s stages. People in love reach a particular stage in their relationship and think that the world couldn’t be more rosy. Then they dwell on each other so often and so deeply that they become possessive of each other, and worse, they become increasingly unforgiving when one or the other prioritizes other passions.

The most common mistake that lovers make is making their relationship their only world. While undivided attention is wonderful, it has its evils. One is more prone to take everything on a personal level when the only priority is being in the relationship and making other things revolve around it.

Looking at the love gradient, the optimum stage to maintain in a relationship is that beautiful place between passion and longing. Here are 2 suggestions on how to stay in that comfortable place throughout the years:

1. Stoke each other’s passions - Identify the interests that brought you together and keep on doing them, as a couple. We see tandem bikers and couples that go mountain climbing together. They extend their love for each other to the activities that will ultimately keep them together. Support each other and more importantly, encourage each other to excel in other things.

2. Give each other privacy - Everyone has that dirty little secret that he keeps from everyone, even you. It could be a personality quirk, the inability to express things, or an ambition that’s still brewing. As long as it doesn’t affect the relationship negatively, let it go. Real understanding means constant and progressive learning about the other person. I wince a bit when I hear the statement “you think you know a person already, then they do something that’s totally unexpected.” One will never learn everything about another person in a lifetime. Persistent coaxing with the other unwilling to share for now, will only result in resentment.

Sylv3rblade’s question was: When to let go? When to give up your current relationship for both party’s sake?

You know you’re in a rut relationship when:

1. You don’t grow anymore and the other person doesn’t contribute to your development.
2. He or she has become your world, and you have no room for other things, and
3. There’s a nagging feeling that ‘this is just wrong’ , but you refuse to let go because of fear to start anew.

A friend pointed me to this Personality Quiz, and it was bothering me (as I mentioned in the previous post) because I know I just have to post it on my blog. I am a bit hesitant because it is so amazingly accurate! Talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve. Come to think of it, the gentle me must be the one taking the test, and the results even mentioned my evil twin.

Here’s the link to the test. Have Fun!

Shmolorful, but unpicked. You are The Wild Rose.

Prone to bouts of cynicism, sarcasm, and thorns, you excite a certain kind of man. Hoping to gather you up, he flirts and winks and asks you out, ultimately professing his love. Then you make him bleed. Why? Because you’re the rare, independent, self-sufficient kind of woman who does want love, but not from a weakling.

You don’t seem to take yourself too seriously, and that’s refreshing. You aren’t uptight; you don’t over-plan. Romance-wise, sex isn’t a top priority–a true relationship would be preferable. For your age, you haven’t had a lot of bonafide love experience, though, and this kind of gets to core of the issue. You’re very selective.

The problem is them, not you, right? You have lofty standards that few measure up to. You’re out there all right, but not to be picked up by just anyone.

Your exact female opposite:
The Dirty Little Secret

Always Avoid: The Bachelor (DGSM)

Consider: The Vapor Trail (RBLM)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test | OkCupid - dating services | Dating
My profile name: : evilwoobie

There are 2 things preventing me from posting my response to a question sent in by a dear fellow Filipino blogger. As always, I go around the blogosphere looking at what people are up to and talking abou and these 2 things bother and tickle me simultaneously that I can’t get the other posts out, so I’ll deal with these first.

• Why are people saying that David Archuleta should have won AI7? and
• Why did Linc discover another love profile test before I did?

Hah! Tough questions.

Let’s start analysing why there’s a collective sigh of relief when David Cook was announced the winner and not David Archuleta. First off, David Cook is more marketable than the other David, Cook had a better sounding voice and, he’s sexier.

While both will have almost the same recording opportunities, the AI winner will surely get exposure more because of the title and because he’s more suitable as a pop icon material the the other (my opinion, of course). You guys will see them sing again during their tour, and you can buy your tickets by going to a sponsor’s site, American Idols Live Tickets.

As to who should have won, however, I have my own favorite… Jason Castro. His rendition of Somewhere Over the Rainbow brought tears to my eyes more than K.McPhee’s ever did.