This is for those who are in new relationships (first few months) and would like to get to know their new partners without being too obvious about it. Simple tips that you can do while in a date, talking on the phone, SMS or chatting online. Inspired by questions that I have been asked before, and situations that I directly mediated (we call it “naging tulay“, bridge, in Filipino), this is my general guide for all you would be lovers who want to get a glimpse of how the other person behaves, or is bound to behave in your future life as lovers.

Second guessing is not entirely bad. It is merely your impression or deductions of what is to be expected. It becomes a bad thing when you act upon your deductions without being sure, and assuming the worst. As long as you keep an open mind, give the other person a chance to get to know you (and vice versa) and smile a lot, you are starting your relationship on a positive note.

I. The Honeymoon Phase

When in a new relationship, relax. You have NOT suddenly been handed the weight of the world, so don’t act like it’s a humongous deal and you have to change the way you act, dress, behave and etc. Take advantage of this phase by unobtrusively observing how the other person tries to win you over.
This isn’t the time for drama or guilt trip or neediness. You are testing the waters and deciding whether to dive in and swim or to wear a life vest and just float around. This is also the time when love making is at its peak, so enjoy it while it lasts.

II. Take Note of Names and Places

He will not tell you everything in the beginning. This is particularly true for those who didn’t go through the ups and downs of an enduring friendship before hooking up as lovers. However, there are times when blabbing about nothing and everything (bound to happen if you communicate with each other daily for 20 hours minimum) becomes a good thing in relation to your quest to get to know him better.

Certain names and places will come up, and when they do, I advise you to just put down your nail file (if you file your nails as you speak with your BF for hours over the phone, like I do) and listen up. Suppress the urge to ask nosy questions for now, as there is plenty of time to do that later. For now, just remember how he said the names in relation to his story.

III. Throw a Curved Ball… Once.

So now you’re so into each other and a few months into the relationship. You have an outline of his personality, what he likes and dislikes, food choices and whatever else. It’s time to test the limits of his temper and how he will react to something that you do, which you think he might not like. Sometimes, our deductions of another person’s likes and dislikes are way off. There are certain issues that would really turn him off, and there are others that are ‘just barely tolerable’; hopefully, you know about these already. Use the latter rather than the former, so that it’s easier to apologize, say that you’ve learned your lesson, and that you won’t do it again.

If you haven’t read the The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, I suggest you do so. Taken positively, and used in a light and whimsical manner, the tips you will learn will make you more aware of the mind games that lovers play. Just remember the first thing I said, RELAX… and don’t let paranoia eat you.

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