Evil Woobie

How did your first date go? is the question of the moment when, after what for you is the best date of your life, your friends pester you with queries on the date details. You are basking in the afterglow, feeling high and being 100% sure that he feels the same. But does he really?

The first date is a clean slate. What you make him feel on your first date will matter more than what he has heard about you from other people (the common friends who set you up), or what you told him through another medium (SMS or chat).

The first date could be the start of something better. If disastrous, however, it could be a closure of the whole ‘meeting-you’ affair. How do you make sure you are still on his mind after the date? Here are five simple measures to consider:

1. Make him look at your eyes - This means covering up any asset that distracts him. Granted, a nice, tasteful cleavage view can do wonders, but for the purpose of making him look at your face directly, hide it for now. Of course, some guys are really discreet when looking, and you barely notice how they stare. Just reserve the plunging V-line for the third date. (see the reference to the number 3 again?)

2. Do not blab - There are girls who love listening to their own voice, and I certainly can relate to this. However, if we talk long and deeply about the topic (sometimes without pausing to breathe), our dates might just fall asleep on us. Make him talk and don’t hog the conversation. If your goal is to let him realize how extensive your knowledge is about a topic, tell your story in concise but salient sentences. Intersperse the “What do you think?” every now and then to make him feel like he’s a part of the discussion.

3. Restrain your urge to discuss the movie, during the movie. This is my pet peeve, so forgive me if I am too harsh about the topic of talking while the movie is being played. First dates usually mean movie time. There are guys (and girls) that love to talk and talk during the movie.

I dated a guy who loved to read all the captions on the screen, including the director name, movie title, and names of the members of the production crew. I stared at him in disbelief for the duration of the tirade, but when he reached the “all rights reserved” part, i decided to put my foot down by saying “I can read, honey.”

I did date him a second time, but for some reason I just couldn’t bring myself to watch a movie with that guy again.

4. Consider his food preferences

You want to eat sushi, but he doesn’t eat sushi. He wants some burgers, but you don’t want to go to to a burger place. Ask him politely if he reserved a table in a restaurant. If he did not, suggest a ‘neutral’ place where you can have your first meal together. It should be a restaurant that serves food that you both like.

5. Say thank you. Regardless if you just had coffee together, or walked in the park, it is still his time that you took up. Thank him graciously and reward him with a subtle hand squeeze or a kiss.

About first date kisses. I have been asked before on how deeply one should kiss after a first date, or if it is proper to kiss at all. Kissing during a first date is not taboo in my book. In fact, it expresses one’s appreciation of time well spent. My recommendation for a first date kiss is this: all-lips, no tongue and should last about 5 seconds.

Remember that if you do the first date right, you’ll send him home thinking “I can’t wait to go home so I can call her.”

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