Dating online has its similarities with dating offline: you meet someone somewhere, you try your best to get his or her attention; you start chatting; and you find out instantly if you have at least one thing in common, (usually within the first few minutes). The only difference is distance.

An online relationship IS a long distance relationship. As such, you cannot immediately tell your partner what you’re thinking, and you may have to wait before getting to talk to him or her again during the day. Is this kind of relationship daunting? You bet! But there are those who tried it, succeeded, and managed to live happily ever after with only a few bumps along the way.

Last February, I had a Love Story Contest here on Evilwoobie and one of the entries was about dating online. (View He Said Yes by Cricky). The contest judges then awarded the win to someone else but Cricky’s story stayed with me up to this moment. One paragraph in her story touched me deeply.

“I had to meet this man. He was my personality equal. This man ignited a brave feeling in my heart that hadn’t been seen or heard of in the past year. He made me want to crawl out of my shell and let him know who “SpoilMe523″ really was.”

Some Secrets to Being Happy in an Online Relationship

1. Count your blessings - Before the 1990s, people managed long distance relationships through snail mail and were perfectly happy doing that. Now, we can chat in real time, and we can even set a specific hour during our day to speak with our partners online.

2. At least One Meet Up - Regardless if you meet once a year, once every two years or every six months, what matters is you meet up after your initial introduction online. The big issue is that after the meet up, you are back where you started: online dating. Nonetheless, you will notice that every meet up changes the way you communicate online. Meeting offline, even infrequently, is like a reaffirmation of the unbelievable chemistry that you suspected since the start of your friendship.

3. Take what is given, keep demands to a minimum - Men and women have needs; emotional and physical needs that require sating once in a while. Online dating is tricky enough for dating singles as it is, and additional pressure (asking to call without considering the time difference etc.) makes it even more difficult. Savor the time you spend sharing experiences via email or chat and express your emotions in a manner that won’t lead to fights. Apologizing when you said something out of line and keeping the conversation cool until a truce is waged are some of the ways to increase communication efficacy across the miles.

If you are ready for the online dating experience of your lifetime, browse through my selection of dating sites to find one that suits your style.

Rate this: 3.5 (1 person)

Claire asked an interesting question on my You’ve Got Mail post. She asked, “It always seems so easy to be sassy and flirty on line but the thought of translating it all into real life is mighty scary. any tips on making the transition easier - and safer?”

Keeping it Real

Online dating can be a B~, particularly if you haven’t been keepin’ it real. But the fact is, if you live online most of the time, you will have to start being real some time with the people you interact with regularly. Consistency is a delicate thing over the internet, and the basis of a person’s credibility.

Point: If you are flirty and sassy online with someone, but you KNOW that you aren’t really as flirty/sassy offline… and you don’t intend to ever meet up with that person… you are fairly safe. But as friendships go, you will feel the urge to meet up with a chat mate in the future and be friends for real. Face-to-face real.

What you can do to make the online-offline transition smoother

• Come up with a disclaimer before your meet up - A line like “I may talk like this online, but off chat, I’m really a shy person” may get you far in terms of being ’safe’ on your first date.
• Do focus on your personality, not on your looks - A general idea of how you look is enough, and most people send each other photos anyway. It’s better to say “I laugh a lot” or “I love cheesy jokes” than “You know Jennifer Aniston? Well, she looks like me.”

Rule of thumb when discussing The Physical: Downplay your assets and the other person will discover them faster. If you’ve been highlighting your assets from the start, he will unconciously be looking for flaws. Much like a book story will always be more vivid than its movie version, a person’s mental image will always be more grand than reality.

Checklist Before the Offline Meetup

1. Review past chats and take note of the promises that you gave in the past (while you were being flirty and sassy) and decide whether to pretend not to remember them or ignore the fact that he wants you to remember them. Or, own up to the promises and keep ‘em.

2. Choose a descriptive outfit. Describing your outfit accurately is a lot better than asking your friend to look for the “long haired girl with a Venti Frapuccino”

3. Emotions check. Could you already be in love with this person? Are you expecting too much from this meet up? Be honest with your feelings before they run amok during your date.

After the First Real Date…

Scenario One: You still chat but less frequently (compared to the previous year of daily conversation), and mostly just hi and hello. The date could have been the first and last, and it’s time to move on. If you followed number 3 above and did a reality check on your feelings, you should be ok with the fact that maybe the other person didn’t share whatever feelings you might have been keeping.

Scenario Two: He insists on phone calls rather than chat, he sends emails rather than wait for you to show up on chat, he sends flowers and gifts on your birthday. Voila! That’s it… he’s into you for real. The only question is… are you into him too?

:lv:

Rate this: 3.2

This is the Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan movie that started it all for me. Before this movie I didnt know how meeting someone online works… hell, i didnt know how email works. I did penpal things since I was 12 and did snail mail friendships with people from Europe, the US and South Korea… but this movie opened my eyes to friendships online.

Before the fear of stalkers, before the apprehension about pretenders, before I ever thought of putting myself out there and just meeting people, interacting… I watched this movie, and it got me where I’m most sensitive, my romantic bone.

Best Quotes from the Movie “You’ve Got Mail”

“I like to start my notes to you as if we’re already in the middle of a conversation.

I pretend that we’re the oldest and dearest friends– as opposed to what we actually are — people who don’t know each other’s names and met in a chat room where we both claimed we’d never been before.

‘What will NY152 say today’, I wonder. I turn on my computer, I wait impatiently as it boots up. I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You’ve got mail….

I hear nothing, not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beat of my own heart. I have mail. From you…”

Meeting up after meeting online is a whole new adventure, but it has to start somewhere. Go find your adventure now, visit my dating sites page.

Rate this: 3.2

In a previous post I talked about how to plan a Grand EyeBall for those looking to gather a bunch of people they met online to interact in a real life setting. Today, I’m going to talk about what exactly happens in EyeBalls (EBs), what to expect and what not to expect.

If you’ve been chatting for a while and joining a few or all of the free dating sites available in the web, you must know about online personalities. These are the “people” we project online, and while we are still who we are, our online personalities may not be understood or looked upon as accurately as we think, compared to our offline ones.

I am an advocate of the Keepin’-It-Real way of presenting my online personality, so that those who are avid readers of my blog will find that they can talk to me offline in the same way as they do here in this blog’s comment section. Why do I prefer this approach when I have been warned time and time again that while I may be sticking to the ‘real-me’ principle, others may not be?

This is because of one fact and one fact alone: I may have connected with these friends only over the internet, but I will do everything in my power to meet them in real life someday. And, when that happens, I don’t want them to feel cheated of the time they spent talking to a fake online personality.

Aherm. Now, let’s talk about The EB.

What to expect during a one-on-one EB, or what we call “The First Real Date”

• The other person may not be as talkative in real life as in chat. Some of us are more eloquent online, and for good reason. How else are we supposed to interact online, if we don’t type words on our keyboards? ‘Shyness’ online is tantamount to never chatting with anyone. I have observed in the past that the most gregarious people over the net are the most quiet offline. These people are more comfortable typing than actually talking, and you should adjust to that if you want a successful offline date.

• There could be SEX, particularly if you have been having cybersex or been behaving like a real couple, albeit online. For those who don’t know, cybersex is just a techie-fied version of ‘pleasuring one’s self while fantasizing about the other person’. It’s usually done through erotic language and/or naughty use of the webcam. Still think letting your minor roam the net is a good idea?

• Photos may not be accurate. While we’d like to believe that photographs reflect the truth, there are certain computer softwares created just to beautify photos that are normally bland. But at the same time, I do believe that beauty is always based on personality. The best thing about internet dating is you meet the personality first (provided you both believe in keeping everything real). One girl once told me “but he seemed so handsome online” and I gave her a bristling wake up call. If you judge a book by its cover, an online relationship (or any relationship at that) might not be for you.

• The flame could burn out. This isn’t unusual. The way you connected over the net may have been real, but after you meet offline, there’s that possibility of never thinking of each other romantically again. Why does this happen? Online interaction is basically just friendship, and going beyond that means you want something more than just friendship. Chemistry could happen or it could not, and there’s no assurance that clicking so well online will lead to a fruitful relationship.

Nonetheless, we can keep on chatting, searching and hoping that we will find the ‘one’ through this never never land called The Internet. After all, love does grow in the weirdest places.

:lv:

Rate this: 2.9

Old timers here will remember a rate your date site that I fell in love with during the early days of my blog. It’s a site that surveys women, and aims to help them screen their dates and find out the real dirt on the guy they’re currently dating. Who provides the info? The guy’s ex-girlfriend.

Behind the success of WomanSavers.com is Stephany Alexander, a dating expert who gives constructive advice to women who got burned by their relationships with men they met online (and offline). She asked me to advertise their services further, and obviously, it gives me great pleasure to do so.

I’ve been to that site a few times since I discovered it, typing some friends’ names in the search box and finding out who’s been naughty. The report-a-guy areas are wonderful, and there ARE cat fights (the guy’s supporters vs. complaining women), but the purpose of the site is noble. The very best guys you could meet online receive sterling recommendations (and a few ‘c’est domage” tears), while the sneaky, deceitful, perverted men are rated poorly by the women unfortunate enough to date them.

I pointed some of my guy friends to that site and asked them if they felt a little pang of fear as they typed in their names or chat aliases on the search bar. Most said “no, of course not, I’m just trying to humor you”, but they admitted to feeling anxious that one of their ex-girlfriends could have reported them. Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do…..?

:heh:

Rate this: 2.9

Reading books on sex and love making can be entertaining and educational, but actually getting to experience the sexuality that is preached there is far more satisfying. Here’s a naughty little post for women who want to experience a bit more than the usual sex.

Don’t go struggling to do cartwheels and contortions. Going through the motions to create a ‘unique’ position is distracting as you have to concentrate long and hard on keeping from toppling over. That’s not fun. Stick to the basics, but with a twist.

Here are the more ‘ordinary’ positions and my take on how you and I can enjoy them more.

1. Missionary

• Wrapping your legs around his waist is ok for the first 15 to 30 minutes, any much longer and you will feel the tired feeling on those legs. Hold your legs by the crook of the knees and transfer the strain to your arms (which aren’t doing much in this particular position, anyway). Holding your legs apart yourself for the duration of this position will let you concentrate on your orgasm.

2. Doggy position

• Deep penetration from behind with a bit of help on your part (playing with your clitoris while your partner is making love to you) will make this position your new favorite. The strain here is on your arms, and maybe it’s difficult to use one to play with yourself. My suggestion: When you use one hand to fondle your clitoris, transfer your weight from the other arm supporting your upper body to your elbows and shoulders.

• Closed doggy. For this, you will need a lot of lubrication (waterbased KY jelly is recommended). Keep your legs closed while he makes love to you from behind. This variation works when your partner is particularly well endowed (in terms of length), and deep penetration via regular dog style is painful more than pleasurable. Your legs and your butt cheeks contribute to the friction, which is a bit different from the usual doggy style.

3. Girl on Top -

• If he is lying on his back, a woman can only use her legs for support. Legs get wobbly after a while and you find that you cannot move up and down after a few minutes as the knees become wobbly. The secret to this is weight distribution. If your legs are short, plant your feet firmly to his side and move up and down as if you’re squatting, equally distributing your weight on your thighs and legs. It’s a bit easier for those with long legs, because they can kneel while doing this, and the knees are included in the weight distribution.

• Girl on top In reverse - This is the easiest variation for me. Ride him with your back facing him. Weight distribution in this position is easier as you can use your arms as leverage (holding his knees).

• Make him sit up or recline - This way you can use his shoulders or neck for support. You still need to distribute your weight equally between your thighs and legs, but now you can hold on to him while you do so.

4. Standing up - For this you will need to recline against a wall for leverage. Plant one foot firmly on the ground, and hold the other up by the crook of the knees using one arm. Your other arm could hold on to his body. The strain on the arm holding one leg up is the main downside of this position, but if your partner does not mind you switching arms to lift one leg every once in a while, this could be your favorite position yet.

These tips are designed to keep the woman (you) comfortable for the duration of the intercourse. Orgasm comes to us only when we feel relaxed and not thinking of something else (like how tired you are). How to drive a man wild in bed? You have to start with how to drive yourself wild in bed.

This post is dedicated to my fiery Scorpio guy friends, reputed to last all night long.

:gg:

Rate this: 2.9

Move over, Indie!

I am on a mission to find the weirdest and mushiest love-related sites on the net! Sites that succeed because they target the romance quirks of people and provide solutions for the most unspeakable love problems. Not long after I posted my review on a breakup reasons quest site, I found another noteworthy relationship site through a fellow Entrecard user, searchingwithin.

Have you ever had a friend who isn’t really there but comforts you somewhat? You can’t really introduce him to anyone because… you guessed it, he’s imaginary! Think Bloo of Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, Mr. Snuffleupagus of Sesame Street or Tyler Durden of Fight Club. The relationships we foster with our imaginary friends are kept inside a tiny box in our consciousness… the same place where we keep our dirty little secrets.

What if I tell you that there’s a place in the net where you can pay for a relationship with an imaginary friend? Not just any imaginary friend… but an imaginary girlfriend! Real girls who you can fantasize about, and who seem to like you back… ’seem’ being the focus word.

Here’s the tagline for ImaginaryGirlfriends.com:

“Tired of your friends and family telling you to get a girlfriend? Want to make that certain someone a little jealous? Need a confidence boost? Just feeling lonely sometimes?”

How does it work?

You pay for the service, with the option of purchasing photos of your new imaginary girlfriend. Full service means a certain someone from afar sending you love letters and gifts, and emails! You can even chat with your imaginary girlfriend.

A line in the service description sent me reeling:

:“When your time is up [i.e. you consumed what you initially paid for - author's note] you can break up with her for whatever reason you decide, and she’ll write you a final letter begging you to take her back.”

I am a proponent of the ‘make him a little jealous’ ideology, which is pretty obvious in my post about sending flowers to yourself. I can also understand the ego boost it will give the customer, the ultimate power trip of rejecting someone who wants you badly, but there’s something about this whole scheme that bugs me…

—> What if the guy falls in love with his imaginary girlfriend? <—

There are some guys (and girls) who are in love with love, and these people using this service could just make a few shrinks richer. The people behind this site are obviously dating experts who can say the right things and send thoughtful gifts that will tug at anyone’s heartstrings. What if the delusion of loving eats up a person’s consciousness, so that he gets addicted to it like a drug? Does he keep paying for the service ’til he’s broke?

This service is powerful, when the objectives of the customer (as well as his sanity) are in the right place. However, there is that danger of delusion. Comparing this service to online dating sites is ridiculous, because participating in the latter means you could meet a real person who will like you enough to drive or fly over to your place for a visit. Falling for someone who you know is assuming a fake identity is just… bizarre.

Consult your shrink before using this service. As a friend of mine is so fond of saying: “It’s not real life”

:heh:

Rate this: 2.9

Being new to Online Dating can be scary. Some doubts that make people hesitate include being skeptical about the characters they will meet online, not being able to project a good image of themselves… or simply the fear of interaction. The first step to online dating is considering what your objectives are. Do you go to a dating site to a.) meet friends? b.) hook up (for sex)? or c.) simply hang out?

Once you got your objectives straight, you may now choose a dating site to join. Note that not all dating sites are the same and most will cater to different audiences. One other factor to consider is language. Seek out the dating sites that cater to people who speak your native language so that you’re more comfortable at the onset.

Here are some of my recommendations on how to deal with this whole online dating thing:

1. Strive to create a profile that will reflect your personality more than your looks.

Sure there are options to put in your exact height, body measurements, skin and eye color, ethnicity and such, but what you must focus on is your likes and dislikes, as this will be the basis of the other people who will want to meet you. The phrase “anything fun” is too general, while “nature and photography” is specific. You will also be asked to create a short tagline for your profile, and for this I suggest putting in your objectives for being there, i.e. to meet friends who are bi-lingual like me.

2. Take the tests

Usually, there is an option to take a personality test. Some of the best ones I have encountered are FastCupid’s (Smart Singles) and One Good Love’s (GLBT). These tests are designed to tell you more about yourself and how you will react to others. This is a good thing why? Self discovery will show you your strengths and weaknesses, and will serve as a guide on who to choose to chat with.

3. How to react to pushy individuals

There’s an unwritten rule to never be too specific about your personal info in online dating sites. For your protection, never give your phone number and address. The best way to put off the “let’s meet up, what’s your address” request is to simply say that you will be revealing it ’sometime’ when you’re more comfortable to do so. If your chat mate pushes too hard, close the chat window.

Final Reminders

Remember to have fun with it. Self expression and how people see you should be the least of your worries as long as you view the interaction in a positive way. Dating online is slightly different from offline dating, and trust as well as real love will sometimes take months or years to come. A long distance affair is not as difficult as it seems, as long as you keep your perspective and you’re enjoying it.

:lv:

Rate this: 2.9

You might have noticed that I jump at the chance to plug advertisements from AJ Western Wear Outfitters (Swarovski belts, Jeans and Western outfits, Mens Western Shirts, Mens Western Wear). This is all because of a secret fetish: Cowboys.

As far as fetishes are concerned, we know that these arise from something deeper, usually something we crave for but don’t know much about exactly. A secret pleasure or desire that we very rarely admit even to ourselves because it makes us uncomfortable.

The origin of my cowboy fetish is very clear to me. It’s all about ‘taming’ the brooding bad boy, the rebel boyfriend, the wild guy that other women fell for but never really caught. The proverbial cowboy is depicted as such: a loner who is aloof and malevolent to intruders in his personal space. At least that’s how I remember James Dean in his last movie, or the expression in this hottie’s eyes in this photo.

Come to think of it, this bad boy-attraction may even explain why I feel compelled to visit Dave Navarro’s site, 6767.com, despite that the whole world of Rock n Roll is alien to me.
How to Tame Your Rebel Boyfriend
1. Give him space. Loving an unruly guy means having the patience of thousands of crochet enthusiasts. Knowing full well that you’re falling for someone who has the reputation of a heart breaker should give you a hint that he won’t change overnight… not even for you.

2. Make Every Second Count. This type of guy demands a lot of alone time, and enough elbow room to do other things (those you might not approve of). Every date must be productive in that, you do not go out of your way to pick fights with him, or become the needy girlfriend that you are. Make him remember your date as fun, lighthearted and whimsical. Give him a reason to smile when he thinks of you even when you’re not together.

3. Reassure Him That You Are Always There For Him. I don’t mean physically, but more of emotionally. Do not pretend to understand the inner struggle he is going through, or the reasons why he is the way he is. Just promise to be there when he is ready to open up.

4. Do not Use Love as a Hostage If you have ever started a sentence with “If you really love me….” then you probably know by now that it doesn’t work. He may indulge you for a second, but will revert back as soon as he feels that you are done trying to make him feel guilty.
A Story on Taming
from the Little Prince (Antoine de Saint Exupery)

“What does that mean?tame?” [asked the Prince]

“It’s an act too often neglected,” said the fox. “It means to establish ties.”

“To establish ties?”

“Just that,” said the fox. “to me, you’re still nothing more than a little boy who’s just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you.And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I’m nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes.

But if you tame me, then we shall need each other.
To me, you’ll be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world “

If you reached this post looking for answers on how to tame your partner, please be comforted with the fact that you are not alone. Love is a never-ending cycle of taming and being tamed, and we all need to discover how one way or another.

:lv:

Rate this: 2.9

If you’ve been here long, you might have noticed my art experiments for my blog. First, I created shirts that show off some of that ol’ woobie attitude . That woobie pillow at the top part of this post is my latest attempt at artistry. The heart symbols, of course, reflect the light and dark side of Woobie, and my blog.

I am a lover of symbols, and I have always wanted to express my views on the L word using symbols, analogies and descriptive phrases. This is because I have doubts if anyone can really describe this feeling in one statement. In fact, the meaning is so relative to the person feeling it that one can go from “love rocks” to “love sucks” in a short time, depending of course on how it manifested itself to the person.

To some, love isn’t love if it is not reciprocated. Like, what’s the point of loving if you aren’t loved back? To others, unconditional love is the norm. Yes, there are people who care without asking for anything in return. What’s the point? It makes them feel good. It makes them feel that they are satisfying a need in themselves to continuously provide affection, regardless of consequences.

The love that I talk about and describe in my talent-challenged art projects such as the pillow in this post is the kind that isn’t all comfort and bliss, it’s the love that hurts a bit when rubbed the wrong way, or when the longing gets too much. It’s the quirky type of love that makes me want to fan the flames, knowing full well that if I let it soar too high, it will burn me.

(For more professional looking logo, though, I’d probably ask my advertiser, FrontierLabel.com to create my publicity labels for me, ’cause the one I created using MS Paint really sucks… again. )

:heh:

Rate this: 2.9