Monogamy: Loyalty, Forgiveness and the Occasional Slip
woobie on July 10th, 2008As a kid, I have been very curious about relationships and lurked around adults when they had their heart to heart conversations, like when aunts, family friends and girl friends of my mom would come over; or the drinking sessions in our house and my dad’s friends would be there talking about anything under the sun, including women. I’d be there behind the tapestry in the sala, pretending to read a book.
While, I have been shushed many times for asking ‘inappropriate questions’, I persisted until one of the more sensible grown ups answered me. One particular time, the conversation revolved around commitment and why some people cheat. I asked,
“Auntie, what is loyalty? How does one know that a spouse is being unloyal?”
She looked at me directly and answered with an analogy “A man slipped while walking on the street with an open manhole. Only, he did not fall in. He went home unscathed; and his wife, although pissed at the mess, forgave him for his torn and dirty jeans.”
Thus, I concluded that…..
A loyal spouse will always go home to his partner, every single day of his life. If he slips along the way and finds himself in trouble for one reason or another, he will still go home to face his wife. Even if he has to explain so many things and risk judgment, he will still go home.
The burden of forgiveness lies on the partner. In fact, I think that cheating per se entirely depends on how both parties define it. Ending a relationship because of unfaithfulness will mean that one or the other cannot live with ‘the slip’ anymore.
What do you think?
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“I think that cheating per se entirely depends on how both parties define it.” - Puwede din kung pareho nilang ginagawa oks lang para sa kanilang dalawa.
hey mario!
OO nga e. Hirap lang noh pag parehong pindeho, parang naglolokohan. :D
BTW Is that a new blog? Nice!
true, loyalty is defined by the people involved. personally, loyalty for me means, look but don’t touch. period. you touch it, you buy it. we’re over.
This is coming from a girl who tolerated playing girl on the side. gah! what an irony.
cigarette-girl’s last blog post..Exam 101
That whole betrayal thing is very hard to get over. While you can wash a pair of dirty pants and get on with your life-no one ever forgets cheating.
Descartes’s last blog post..Dress Like a Cow-Get A Free Chick-Fil-A
@cig-girl
no judgments here sis! I can understand what you’re saying. If they just can’t help but look, why not right? As long as it’s just ‘looking’
@descartes
it is the betrayal and the repercussions of feeling like a fool that keeps the anger burning for a long time. I know the feeling.
good analogy. i think that everyone who succumbs to cheating must be ready to face the music, be it a hit or not.
dyosa’s last blog post..PERKS AT PERK AVENUE
It’s an individual’s choice whether or not they will forgive someone for cheating on them. But, if that choice is no…I hope that they leave room in the relationship for total honesty. Are we open enough to have a conversation with our spouse about they’re being attracted to someone else without blowing up? Are we open enough to discuss with our spouse why they’re tempted to look elsewhere without getting upset? Are we open enough to even look and see what we’re doing to contribute to this and find ways to change before it’s too late? Most times, we’re not this open, and so our spouses/partners find themselves frustrated and end up cheating…when perhaps this could’ve been avoided with total honesty.
Tiko’s last blog post..Quickie but goodie…
@dyosa
most people who cheat think they can get away with it. But like they say, no bad fart goes unnoticed.
@tiko
yeah,i agree. Some people freak out as in freak out like hell with just the notion of their partners cheating. If a guilty party actually did it, would he risk being lambasted? He’d rather keep quiet and not confess.
I could see how sometimes somebody might “slip” but I think if you’re really committed you won’t. It is all up to the person doing the forgiving though if the relationship will continue or not.
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“most people who cheat think they can get away with it. But like they say, no bad fart goes unnoticed.” -
Malalaman at malalaman iyon. Oks na example yung sa kantang Iskandalo nina Dolphy at Panchito.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTBNmJy8Kc8
Mario’s last blog post..Love Story ng mga Headhunter ng Baguio City
@chelle
there are some people who think they can change a casanova’s way of life, and keep him committed, but someone who had the inclination to chase skirts (or shorts) will be tempted to do it over and over again… even inside a committed relationship.
Hmmm. When a beautiful and sexy girl wearing a teeny weenie bikini walks by and the man “just happened” to “accidentally” touch her, that’s a “slip”. (Reverse situation for women)
When there’s an actual one night stand, I do not think that’s a “slip”. It’s one of those things that you know you shouldn’t do, but you did.
I really can’t say what I’ll do if ever I find my hubby do something he shouldn’t. I choose to trust that he honors his commitment enough to just say “no”.
@Joey
I love the way you tackled my analogy. That is exactly what i’m talking about sis, the slip is the temptation that he/she almost went for… he/she can fantasize about it, lust after it… but didnt do anything about it.
:D