Womanizer: A Discussion on Cheating Boyfriends
woobie on May 18th, 2008
The latest Philippine showbiz news on the break up of Heart Evangelista (Love Ongpauco) and Jericho Rosales, dating for three years prior to their breakup this month, made waves all over the country. Their relationship is a good case study on ‘rich girl falls in love with a poor guy’, old money vs. new money, and other rich-poor cliches. That the girl sacrificed a lot for her boyfriend is obvious. She fought for him vs. her family, and turned a blind eye on rumors that he is womanizing… until… she caught him red handed.
Yep. This news is the inspiration for this post.
Here are some things that a guy might tell you if you catch him cheating:
1. It wasn’t me. - Some ancient smartass thought up the ‘deny deny deny’ golden-rule of sorts, which is so old, really. If you get caught, own up. You’re already a cheater anyway, why add Liar to the equation?
2. I’m not seriously into her. It’s just sex.
3. It was a prank, I’m just making you jealous.
4. She’s my cousin.
Familiar? 
I. Fear of Being Alone
I was in a May-December affair at one point and the guy was way younger than me in age and maturity. I didn’t have any illusions that he will never cheat on me as I know how guys that age are still testing their wings. He was a smart one, but I caught him anyway. And, with my habit of asking directly, I demanded that he tell me an honest answer as to why he did it.
He said, “I am scared that if I only had one girlfriend, she’d leave me and I’d be lost. I want to be loved by many so that if one left me, I’ll still have another to love me.”
I wasn’t impressed, but it was honest enough that I forgave him. But, of course, i didn’t stay as a girlfriend, which brought about a horrendous tantrum…
I gave her up for you and you’re still leaving?!?
Oh, did you really expect me to stay?!?
Can we still be friends???
Of course, kiddo.
II. Variety
Some guys love variety. In fact, some others can’t live without it. Study his history. Did he have multiple girlfriends in the past? There’s an old adage that says “if he cheated with you, he will cheat on you”, and I find this to be true. That he loves you more than anyone else doesn’t ensure that he will never do it again, but you can always hope that he loves you enough not to act on his cravings. That part of him that craves variety is still there, the only difference is that maybe now he’s content to just look and fantasize. Which brings up the question….
- Why does my boyfriend stare at other women?
Out of curiosity, I asked my boyfriend this exact question when i caught him looking at a pretty girl from head to foot while we were malling. The urge to know suppressed any jealousy that I could have felt. He rewarded me with a straight answer, in appreciation of my not over-reacting.
“A man stares at a woman that way because he’s thinking of what she looks like naked. That’s just how men are.”
“What if she’s already naked?”, I asked, thinking of how guys stare for hours at adult magazines.
“Then he’s probably fantasizing about having sex with her.” was his calm reply.
III. Hormones or Emotions?
We have established that some guys cheat because of sexual reasons, and nothing more. But what if the reason is emotional? You know, this is the scary part. A guy could cheat (have sexual relations with another woman) because he finds comfort from her, which could tell you that you weren’t comforting enough. Other emotional reasons include support, caring, sweetness and “someone who listens”.
IV. Romance, Spontaneity and Adventure
That you snagged him away from the multitude of girls who are after him too shouldn’t make you feel complacent. Zero in on what got him into you in the first place, and keep it going… even when you’re married, even when you’re 65 years old.
V. Letting Go
If however, you feel that he will stray no matter what you do; that he will never give up his Casanova lifestyle even if you do your effin’ best for him all the time… then it’s time to consider moving on. But, only if you have already given it your best shot.
*sniff sniff*
.
| 2.9 |
- If you liked this post please subscribe to my feed. Or scroll down and leave a comment.
I rarely get that question from clients, but if they do ask if he is cheating, I have to stifle the impulse to ask if he has a penis.
I know. Cynical. But I’ve seen their work ;)
witchypoo’s last blog post..Brainfreeze
@witchy
Part of the reason I stopped reading for friends is this issue. heh. A girl appeared on an officemate’s spread and I told her that there’s a woman involved with her fiancee even before her. She was 100% skeptical because his job’s on a boat with 120 other MEN.
She asked him directly as I suggested, and he ADMITTED it! Guess who she ended up hating? Moi, for opening her eyes. Ignorance is effin’ bliss LOL :D
“if he cheated with you, he will cheat on you?
which is why I never take my mistressing seriously. LOL
cigarette-girl’s last blog post..why peace on earth is a myth
@cig-girl
Kudos sis! :D
what’s your take on guys who are cheating “emotionally” on their girlfriends? do you believe this is possible? no physical connection made, but emotionally they let it all hang out there (no pun intended) for another girl?
dr_clairebear’s last blog post..Out of Narnia
@drclaire
YES! That is the more scary part. A guy is usually in love with love (and not exactly with the person), and being in a relationship will not cure it.
Sometimes that idea that another girl will be able to fulfill his dream of a “perfect” relationship is too much temptation.
See, sometimes, cheating for sex is less dangerous than cheating for emotional needs. When a guy gets tempted with sex, it’s over in a few hours, then he’s ‘normal’ again, while cheating because of emotional needs will affect everything.
Not that i’m saying cheating via sex is ok! NO. Cheating is cheating… so if you wanna do something, ask permission. :D
Hmm.. interesting points.
I’m always at (for lack of a better term) war with some people in my circle of friends for being swingers (again for lack of a better term). They look for a girl, date them, have sex once or twice then leave.
Their usual defense are usually variety and consent. “Gusto naman nya eh.” Nakaka-ewan.
sylv3rblade’s last blog post..The most awaited Games you?ll never play. Ever
@sylverblade
There are girls who use sex as bait. There are guys who take the bait then like leeches, fall off when sated.
It really depends on what you are comfortable with. The best thing to do would be to just go for girls you really like, if they show signs of wanting to hook up with you, they might be expecting a longer relationship, which you may or may not want.^^
Ha..
Great article.. I really enjoyed the “Here are some things a guy may tell you if he catches you cheating”
I didn’t do it..
Must be nice if it were that easy to say, might end up with a slap though.
-Scott
Free Online Dating Sites’s last blog post..Advantages to Online Dating
hmm thanks. Never thought of it that way.
BTW, I noticed that tags are visible at the top of the page. I think you’re using All-in-One SEO as a plugin… I suggest you update.
sylv3rblade’s last blog post..The most awaited Games you?ll never play. Ever
yan silverblade wala na
@scott
:D nice site you have there! I’ll visit often too.
Dont you think always telling that the guys only think in one direction gives them kind of support …I mean its like “everyone things that way what difference does it make if I do it….”
ShaDow’s last blog post..Windows Vista Language Interface Packs
@Shadow
It really depends on the guy. Guys vary in terms of principles and handling guilt. If a guy can’t handle guilt and his girl issues, a girl should at least know what she’s dealing with, not forever pinning her hopes that he could “change” for her.
baka kasi agawin keywords mo.. alam mo naman ung iba sa atin..
sylv3rblade’s last blog post..The most awaited Games you?ll never play. Ever
@sylverblade
they get the keywords, they won’t get the content…. you think there can be someone else who thinks as sublimely yet so pervertedly naughty? Nada. Me. Only Me.
Get addicted. :D
a very interesting read,
im glad I came across this blog :)
Sarah’s last blog post..Hello?… Cigar Box Purse, Is That Really You?
@Sarah
Thanks for visiting sister, do come by often!
One of the things that caught my attention about this post is Heart Evangelista. She was and still is one of my favorite stars when I was in the Philippines from 2003-2005. Kind of sad to read about her news. I felt sorry for her and yet I am happy for her. It could be worse if they gotten marry and such thing happen.
BK’s last blog post..Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep
@BK
Theirs is a case of “if she wont catch me, she won’t know”… but she did catch him and he’s screwed! :D