The dramatic marketing guru listed some reasons why a blogger might be a p*ssy blogger. By context of the term p*ssy, this could mean a lot of inhibitions in blogging, including, but not limited to

• being scared to death of debates because you don’t know how to handle rebuttals (can’t dodge, can’t fire back, can’t make a gracious exit in the form of final statements) [my example]

• only join debates wherein you can predict the move of the next person and have already prepared your rebuttal to the rebuttal, and run or shut up when the reaction is not what you expected [mine]

• whining “People are so mean to me, huhuhu. They’re the ones with the problem, not me. I’m just stating my opinions anyways” to your friends who don’t blog, and of course will give comfort immediately. [mine]

So here is Sam’s list of reasons why you might be a p*ssy blogger. Note that this has circulated for a while now, judging from the blog reactions in Technorati. I have re-read this over and over and still laugh each time, as some of these “symptoms” I see in myself once in a while.

1. You Moderate Your Comments

Oh like you’re so important that a combination of captcha and akismet can’t solve your problems. Were you so overwhelmed by a domineering person in your past that you have to play out your “retake control” fantasies in your comment section?

• 2. You Repeat Tips and Suggestions That You Never Experienced, Especially With No Attribution

  It’s ok to post something like “How to Comment on Others Blogs for Traffic” but you damn well better have experimented with everything you’re saying or AT LEAST cite someone who HAS. That way, your readers have someone’s actual block to knock off if the tactics fail.

  3. You Try to Be Top Commenter On Popular Bloggers’ Blogs

  It’s WISE, for example, to be top commenter on a high traffic, low comment, dofollow blog. It’s imbecilic to try to be top commenter on a popular blog under the impression that all the other commenters might visit you. The truth is that all the other commenters will hate you because they were trying to be top commenter and you beat them to it. Oh yea, that’s gonna sit will with them.

  4. You Give ALL Your Experience Away for Free

  You are too afraid of failure so instead of putting your experience into a book and charging something for it, you give it away to everyone like a dazed hippy chick at a biker rally, believing that they’re really going to love you and support you.

  If that’s you, then “Earth to you! You are not Mahatma Ghandi or Mother Theresa. People are here to make money and giving away all your experience for free makes them secretly resent you for two reasons: a) you’re showing them how to NOT make money - which they already know; and b) you’re saturating the market and making it harder for them to make a living.

  Giving away something of value for free is ok as a lead in to a bigger offer but to give oodles of your hard-earned pearls away at no charge is a sign of WEAKNESS, not strength.

  5. YOU’RE AFRAID TO TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS!

  If you’re still saying something lame like, “Hey, don’t yelllllllllll…!!!” when people type in capital letters, it can only mean you (or your parents) were avid users when CompuServe, TRS-80 and Apple ][+ were all the rage.

  If you still do that to your commenters, or are afraid to use capital letters yourself, self-esteem issues could very well need some prompt attention.

  6. You Think Because You Do SEO By the Book That Black Hatters Are “Beneath” You.

  Black hatters do what they do because they actually have an offline life they’d like to visit once in a while. And I’m not talking about the “offline life” due to necessities like going potty and walking the dog. I’m talking about like dating, having a glass of wine/brandy with the neighbors or taking their Lamborghini out for a sphinn.

  They don’t have all day to sit at home waiting for the GREAT LEADER GOOGLE to send them the next transmission on what is, and isn’t, acceptable. After all, Google never asked them whether or not it was ok to use their websites in order to build a for-profit search engine. Google never did things by THEIR book, so why should they do things by GOOGLE’S book?

  7. You Never Sphinn or Digg Your Own Posts Because of What People Might Think.

  Darlings, if I have something time-sensitive on the menu, I’m not waiting for Little Red Riding Hood to traipse on by and post my articles to social media sites for me. I’ll be glad to take the lesser amount of traffic ON TIME than a greater amount of traffic TOO LATE.

  This one also reminds me of that last piece of pizza that no one wants to take because everyone knows everyone else wants it and the person who takes it is going to get all the psychic daggers. So then the last piece ends up getting cold and the fat kid ends up eating it like usual.

  8. You Don’t Sphinn or Digg or Bump an Article That Mentions You Because You’re Afraid You’ll Be Accused of Doing It for Yourself.

  Ok, turn up your hearing aid… SO #!*&%* WHAT?!

  The truth is, as long as you do such things with flare, there are people who will still support you because they want to learn to be more like you. So what if you don’t get max traffic because of it. Most people who will admire you for being fearless don’t get ANY traffic to begin with so start thinking in two directions instead of one.

  In other words, fearing being disliked or fearing less popularity and therefore less traffic is just as narcissistic as submitting an article by, or about, you. So go ahead, try it… it’s like ripping off a Band-Aid; the faster you do it, the easier it’ll be.

  9. You’re Afraid to Use Something Like This!

  Oh my, how could you DARE use such a nefarious piece of software to help semi-automate your submissions to dozens of social media sites? That’s right, just keep doing things LIKE EVERY OTHER NEWBIE WHO JUST CAME ONLINE THIS WEEK and some day you’ll be RICH, RICH, RICH! lol

  Seriously, my doggies, if you’re somehow under the dastardly illusion that “getting a little help from your friends” is somehow unfair then make sure to tell everyone how clean and pure you are so when the holidays roll around they can each send you a nice card.

  Really now… just try such a program even once and you’ll suddenly realize that while I might not be your “friend” friend… I’m definitely your “friend”.

  10. You Don’t Take My Advice.

  Don’t worry, there’s no rush. There’s all kinds of people around the globe who are suffering right now, so you’re in good company. But if, perchance, you want that to change, even just a little, then think about everything I’ve said for a second… then make a clearly stated wish, “I wish to be more free of suffering.”

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