“To absent friends, lost loves, old gods and the season of mists; and may each and everyone of us always give the devil his due.” -N. Gaiman

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For some reason, some of my friends, who I haven’t been in close contact with for years decide that they can only entrust the title of “Maid of Honor” (or, Matron of Honor) to me. Traditionally, the MOH is a title given to the bride’s most loyal ally ever, and I guess all my incessant meddling with my friends’ most private affairs has been viewed more as loyalty than intrusion. At least, most of the time. *evil laugh*

Weddings have always brought out my inner diva. This time, I did not even bat an eyelash (whether fake or not) when the beauticians started pulling and spreading gook on my hair and face; and trimming my “geek’s eyebrows”. I was asked why I didn’t trim them regularly and I just smiled, but deep inside I’m saying “my monitor doesn’t really mind if I have bushy eyebrows or not”.

Here are some of the funnier things that happened during my best friend’s wedding:

1. The officiating priest almost lost his cool when during his sermon, the spotlight hit him directly on the face momentarily blinding him. He forgot where he left off in his speech after he paused for a few seconds to point menacingly at the photographer holding the light beam.

2. The garden reception was in a hard-to-find spot in the Fort Bonifacio building housing several wedding functions at the same time. Most of the guests excitedly entered the wrong wedding reception, and some even exchanged pleasantries with the guests there before realizing that it was not the reception they were supposed to be attending.

3. They assigned a pregnant girl (2 months) to emcee the festivities and she was doing quite well until the pre-baby hormones started kicking in. She has been standing on stage for a few hours and has barely touched her food. I guess we should have taken the hint when she announced “excuse my blunders, I’m just a bit dizzy and disoriented as pregnant females usually are.” One time, she shrilly screamed “Dance like you mean it or I will make this parlor game a lot harder for you!” to the hesitant participants of the wedding bouquet and garter toss. Everyone got too scared to argue.

4. The Matron of Honor (me) decided to inject fuel in her speech by drinking a few shots of alcohol prior to taking the microphone. Her weapon of choice was the hallucinogenic drink, Agwa, which momentarily induces elation and exuberance before sinking the drinker to a zombie-like state of drowsiness. She delivered an impassioned speech that left the audience emotional and weepy. A few minutes after her speech, she was seen sprawled on a couch sleeping soundly. (No, I am not going to post a photo of that one! haha)

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By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
-Socrates

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I was asked to give the first speech on my bestfriend’s wedding tomorrow. I don’t know if I will cry or just sound like I’m giving an overly dramatic (*cough* scripted) presentation.

Not being a big fan of marriage (yep, I am not married but have a kid… and perhaps I’ll burn in hell for it like the Catholic doctrines say, but that’s another story), I feel like I’m watching my friend take a bungee jump or enter a house with no back door. I feel like shouting “noooooooo….!!!!” with arms stretched out towards her, except that the guy she is marrying is the most decent, most loveable and most grounded guy she ever went out with, so I feel reassured that she’s in good hands.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy for her. I am proud that she took the leap of faith and is now entering an institution that is scarier for me than… well, than nothing. It is the scariest thing. (Please read When A Playgirl Retires…)

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And here’s the speech…

First, I will describe how I know Carol. I became her bestfriend when we met in College, in the University of the Philippines. Despite the obvious differences in our personalities, we clicked and maintained a strong friendship up to this day. Considering our sister-like closeness and our shared experiences of being financially independent Alpha females, I know I am in the best position to say that her love for Kirt is the most wonderful thing a man could ever wish for.

Kirt and Carol met in 2002 at a party and they clicked so well that people around them immediately noticed the chemistry. However, they remained “friends only” for a long time, and went out on friendly dates occasionally. In 2005, Carol contacted me and asked me to have dinner with her and a guy friend. I know from experience that when she asks this of me, she wants me to check the guy out, learn a lot about the guy (by asking loaded questions) and just get a feel of what the guy is like.

I was very surprised to note that Kirt is very different from the other guys she introduced to me. There was something about him that told me that “this guy will never hurt Carol”. He was funny in a way that is a bit corny, but I immediately knew that he’s a very kind, understanding and compassionate person. There was no doubt in my mind that Kirt is someone who could be trusted, and that he is the type of guy who will take care of Carol, and who is grounded enough to not let her have her way all the time. I knew that he is the “one” for her, and I was ecstatic that finally, my headstrong best friend has found her match.

He complements her by being the tempering factor to her passionate nature. And Carol, in turn, inspires him with her infectious positivity and carefree attitude. They will have children who have strong faith in God, because they both have the Lord at the center of their lives. I have no doubt that their marriage will succeed and will remain strong.

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Find friends according to location and race of preference:
Filipinos - Asians - German - Latino - French - Chinese - India - Italian - Jewish - Korean
Find friends according to hobbies, interests and age:
Seniors (40 yo++) - Fitness Minded - Success Driven - Food and Dining Enthusiasts

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In the spirit of giving, and because I get instant flashbacks of my life as a single girl whenever I drink alcohol (Christmas champagne roks!), I’m sharing some must-knows on living alone. These are the basics that kept me alive in the past, and I hope this is useful to others too.

1. Eat

Being single and living alone means not having to listen to “food’s ready” at certain times of the day. Develop an internal alarm clock to remind yourself when to eat, and do so. It’s tempting to just say “i’m on a diet anyway, so i’ll skip this meal” in instances when you spent all your cash on other things, and didn’t alot enough for food. But keep in mind that hospital bills are pricier.

2. Crawl when dizzy

Whenever you feel dizzy or your knees just feel wobbly one morning, chances are you’re either sick, pregnant or still drunk from last night’s party. Do not attempt to walk to the bathroom to have your morning pee… crawl to the bathroom and use the walls for support. Don’t feel like you’re invincible and maybe the dizziness doesn’t mean anything. You’re human. Humans sometimes fall and bump their heads and die. The only difference is, your body might not be found sooner compared to others because you don’t have anyone home with you.

3. Keep your cellphone with you at all times

Some like leaving cell phones on chairs or tables, or inside bags. These people have other people to yell at when they can’t find their cell phones. Think of your phone as your only lifeline when there’s an emergency. While it has been said that ghosts are real, those in your apartment may not have enough poltergeist power to point out where your phone is when there’s an emergency.

4. Love thy neighbors

If it’s too much to “love” them, just being friendly will suffice. No man really is an island, and there will be times when you will need to ask for help from the neighbors. Your kitchen plumbing broke down? Maybe you can ask Mr. Handyman next door to help you with it before your house/apartment gets flooded.

5. Bring enough money for a cab ride at least

When going out, some girls prefer to let the guy pay and don’t bring money with them. This is wrong. Things go awry in dates and it’s a lot better to have the option of storming off, getting a cab and riding home alone, than being at the mercy of someone who provides your only way of getting home safely.

Girls get smarter and smarter with each succeeding generation, but the basics must be kept and passed on. Have a nice Christmas.

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Find friends according to race of preference:
Filipinos - Asians - German - Latino - French - Chinese - India - Italian - Jewish - Korean
Find friends according to hobbies, interests and age:
Seniors (40 yo++) - Fitness Minded - Success Driven - Food and Dining Enthusiasts

Rate this: 2.9